Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat
“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”
Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens – aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.
well you did ask
Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.
you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN
Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.
plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.
Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.
So there’s this plastic turtle we have outside our school that tells cars to slow down. My kids have always asked me why I don’t have a husband, and I got tired of telling them because I didn’t want one, so I pointed to him and said, “That dude. That’s my husband.”
This has been a running joke for two years now. All the kids know the plastic turtle outside the school is my husband. He doesn’t have a name, just Miss Cat’s husband.
Today was really windy, and the turtle dude fell over. I was taking a kid out to his mom, and he saw it on the ground and went, “Oh look, your husband died.”
So I said, “Oh darn. Looks like I’m single again.”
And without skipping a beat, he goes, “I’ll be your husband.”
Mom is standing there trying not to laugh as I got down on my knees, took the kid’s hands in mine, and said, “Thanks for the offer, bud, but no thank you. We’ll just pick that guy up so he can start being my husband again.”
So the kid runs over, picks the turtle up, and goes “Good morning, husband! You’re not dead anymore. Good job.”
(“The Prince and the Large and Lonely Tortoise”, One Thousand and One Nights)
These kids’ book titles are incredible.
Why is Snatcher so good? Why is Snatcher so good! No one can fully explain why Snatcher is so gotdang good.
thinking about the time garak decided to fake an attempt on his own life with a real actual bomb that destroyed his entire store rather than ask odo for help directly
The kinda hoops I’ll jump through before I admit I need help.
These kids’ book titles are incredible.
Why is Snatcher so good? Why is Snatcher so good! No one can fully explain why Snatcher is so gotdang good.
