Tag: work

Living in an XJ.

Getting closer. Moved into a bedroom for far less than I was paying in apartment rent, and I’ve reduced extra belongings to a 5 x 5 storage unit. Need to save up for proper window tinting, then install window blockers and curtains.

If all goes well, I’m living out of the XJ by December.

Current status of the cargo area. The platform is:

  • a big piece of particle board
  • scrap wood beams for support
  • hardtop gaskets from my old TJ to prevent sliding and scratching up the sheet metal
  • gray rustoleum

I made sure to leave that gap underneath the platform for ventilation. All essential tools, fluids, etc. sit underneath the area behind the seats. Wish I’d built an access door on the platform to make it easier, but it gets the job done. Holds up well.

GDC notes

A couple of sessions from Thursday.

How to Become Fireproof: Surviving Internet Negativity
Thursday, 2:30pm-2:55pm
Speaker: Nika Harper (Independent)

Nika addressed the topic well. First, she clarified: you’re a creator! You create things that are put out into the world and are going to be seen by people on the Internet. This is an act of vulnerability. Your creation is part of you.

She broke down negative comments into three archetypes:

-feels threatened by you/your creation and attacks you personally
-super fans who feel betrayed when they don’t get what they really, really want
-trolls who’re gonna hate

It’s valuable to understand where the negativity is coming from because you can then apply reason to your perception and response. Does the comment have any effect for you or your creation? Is there useful feedback hidden in the shadow of the negativity? Is there any point to exacerbating a situation with negativity toward them? These are questions to ask before choosing to respond.

There’s also the notion that every interaction involves human beings. The troll is a human being, and so are you. Nika finds that responding to negative comments in a reasonable way, or responding at all in some cases, makes them realize that you are a real person. This helps dissuade the sort of comments that are needlessly negative.

Beware the verbose negativity. Don’t let a lot of big words hide those useless, negative comments.

It felt like this session was too short for the topic of discussion. But I reckon it’s a great primer for students, new devs, and anyone who needs a better understanding of the reasons and responses for negative Internet comments.

#1ReasonToBe

Thursday, 4:00pm-5:00pm
Speakers: Leigh Alexander (Gamasutra), Deirdra Kiai (Independent), Anna Kipnis (Double Fine Productions), Colleen Macklin (Parsons The New School for Design), Laralyn McWilliams (The Workshop Entertainment), Brenda Romero (UC Santa Cruz), Lauren Scott (UC Santa Cruz)

A great series of talks about women and minorities in the games industry, the bullshit they often deal with, and why it’s still a industry with great potential for change and inclusivity. I encourage folks to check out the talk when it gets released via Gamasutra.

Brenda and Leigh introduced the talk, going over the history and the reasons that the Advocacy track exists. (Shout-out to Meggan for making it possible). They discussed that #1reasonwhy was the genesis, but then Rhianna Pratchett introduced #1reasontobe to discuss positive experiences working in video games. Leigh described her early experiences and her wish that, someday, there’d be no need for such discussions, because the industry will have evolved to a point that all who want to make video games feel welcomed, respected, and equal. In particular, encourage girls, women, minorities, and anyone who doesn’t think it’s possible because they don’t feel like they belong to pursue their passion.

Laralyn
-The early days of the industry were especially tough.
-Some people worked on games as a hobby because it just didn’t occur to them that they could do it for a living.
-Individual games game inspire one to create (Myst, Secret of Monkey Island).
-Life is too short to waste on fear and uncertainty. Do what you’re here to do.

Lauren
-Encouragement and the support of family and friends to instill confidence in someone who wants to create video games.
-A call for mentorship. Various other industries have mentorship programs built into them, but video games do not. Why? We need future generations to support and inspire young game devs.

Colleen
-Diversity!
-Identify patterns in your workplace, all around you. When you do, analyze them as you would any design, and change them if necessary.
-Review the UX for your hiring processes. Is it user-friendly for all?

Anna
-Your idea is just as worthy of consideration as anyone else’s.
-Seek inspiration from those who’ve come before.
-Where are women as project leads? We need more.
-Game jams to encourage everyone to participate in the creation of video games.

Deirdra
-Making games is easy. Belonging is hard.
-Differences–whether skin color, or body shape, or personal preference–can isolate us, which is a terrible feeling for anyone. It’s alienating. We need to be inclusive.
-There are small hints of change. Panels such as this. A glimmer of hope.

So many people love video games! They love playing them, making them, sharing them. Let’s speak out and encourage them, and call out the practices that prevent or discourage them from doing what they love.

GDC notes

A couple of sessions from Thursday.

How to Become Fireproof: Surviving Internet Negativity
Thursday, 2:30pm-2:55pm
Speaker: Nika Harper (Independent)

Nika addressed the topic well. First, she clarified: you’re a creator! You create things that are put out into the world and are going to be seen by people on the Internet. This is an act of vulnerability. Your creation is part of you.

She broke down negative comments into three archetypes:

-feels threatened by you/your creation and attacks you personally
-super fans who feel betrayed when they don’t get what they really, really want
-trolls who’re gonna hate

It’s valuable to understand where the negativity is coming from because you can then apply reason to your perception and response. Does the comment have any effect for you or your creation? Is there useful feedback hidden in the shadow of the negativity? Is there any point to exacerbating a situation with negativity toward them? These are questions to ask before choosing to respond.

There’s also the notion that every interaction involves human beings. The troll is a human being, and so are you. Nika finds that responding to negative comments in a reasonable way, or responding at all in some cases, makes them realize that you are a real person. This helps dissuade the sort of comments that are needlessly negative.

Beware the verbose negativity. Don’t let a lot of big words hide those useless, negative comments.

It felt like this session was too short for the topic of discussion. But I reckon it’s a great primer for students, new devs, and anyone who needs a better understanding of the reasons and responses for negative Internet comments.

#1ReasonToBe

Thursday, 4:00pm-5:00pm
Speakers: Leigh Alexander (Gamasutra), Deirdra Kiai (Independent), Anna Kipnis (Double Fine Productions), Colleen Macklin (Parsons The New School for Design), Laralyn McWilliams (The Workshop Entertainment), Brenda Romero (UC Santa Cruz), Lauren Scott (UC Santa Cruz)

A great series of talks about women and minorities in the games industry, the bullshit they often deal with, and why it’s still a industry with great potential for change and inclusivity. I encourage folks to check out the talk when it gets released via Gamasutra.

Brenda and Leigh introduced the talk, going over the history and the reasons that the Advocacy track exists. (Shout-out to Meggan for making it possible). They discussed that #1reasonwhy was the genesis, but then Rhianna Pratchett introduced #1reasontobe to discuss positive experiences working in video games. Leigh described her early experiences and her wish that, someday, there’d be no need for such discussions, because the industry will have evolved to a point that all who want to make video games feel welcomed, respected, and equal. In particular, encourage girls, women, minorities, and anyone who doesn’t think it’s possible because they don’t feel like they belong to pursue their passion.

Laralyn
-The early days of the industry were especially tough.
-Some people worked on games as a hobby because it just didn’t occur to them that they could do it for a living.
-Individual games game inspire one to create (Myst, Secret of Monkey Island).
-Life is too short to waste on fear and uncertainty. Do what you’re here to do.

Lauren
-Encouragement and the support of family and friends to instill confidence in someone who wants to create video games.
-A call for mentorship. Various other industries have mentorship programs built into them, but video games do not. Why? We need future generations to support and inspire young game devs.

Colleen
-Diversity!
-Identify patterns in your workplace, all around you. When you do, analyze them as you would any design, and change them if necessary.
-Review the UX for your hiring processes. Is it user-friendly for all?

Anna
-Your idea is just as worthy of consideration as anyone else’s.
-Seek inspiration from those who’ve come before.
-Where are women as project leads? We need more.
-Game jams to encourage everyone to participate in the creation of video games.

Deirdra
-Making games is easy. Belonging is hard.
-Differences–whether skin color, or body shape, or personal preference–can isolate us, which is a terrible feeling for anyone. It’s alienating. We need to be inclusive.
-There are small hints of change. Panels such as this. A glimmer of hope.

So many people love video games! They love playing them, making them, sharing them. Let’s speak out and encourage them, and call out the practices that prevent or discourage them from doing what they love.

Unsettled

I wanted to be a pilot as a kid. I didn’t know what to do in middle and high school, so I just went to college because that seemed like the thing to do. I was this close to going to a vocational college for aeronautics and airplane maintenance (just before 9/11). I had a full ride at a 4-year and got through my first year. An english class in which I had to write a short story was the best experience there.

After the year was up I decided graphic and web design was more interesting, so I took out a loan and attended a 2-year college. Completed my courses and graduated with an AA. I became more interested in video games toward the end of college and decided to apply to video game companies. I got in as a game tester and did that for a year, then applied for a online marketing internship in the same game company because, hey, completely relevant to my education and degree. That’s hard to find. I kicked ass and rose in the ranks but, ultimately, marketing was too far removed for the game development process. I quit and moved to a new city because I was also tired of having lived in the same place for 24 years.

I got a job at another game company as a tester again. This was very satisfying, as I got to work on a game series which I’d wanted to work on since college. I rose through the ranks again. By this time I’d started writing short stories as well, and I was taking writing classes. I love it. It’s pure expression, unhindered by anyone else’s presence. Money became a priority for a while so, after three years or so, I found a new job in another state. I moved, got better pay. I was kind of depressed around this time after a couple of rough relationships and my personal life wasn’t well. This and my yearning to work at a particular company prompted me to move again. I was living on a boat then. That was cool. I worked on contract for six months until the dream company called and I went to work here. It’s another satisfying experience.

Been thinking about where to go next. If I manage to get a well-paying position here, I’ll stick around. Pay down some debt so I can resume my travels and get my pilot’s license. (I traveled a lot for a while there). Seattle or Vancouver also call to me, and working as a professional pilot. Getting my stories published. Just a matter of time by my estimation.

Unsettled

I wanted to be a pilot as a kid. I didn’t know what to do in middle and high school, so I just went to college because that seemed like the thing to do. I was this close to going to a vocational college for aeronautics and airplane maintenance (just before 9/11). I had a full ride at a 4-year and got through my first year. An english class in which I had to write a short story was the best experience there.

After the year was up I decided graphic and web design was more interesting, so I took out a loan and attended a 2-year college. Completed my courses and graduated with an AA. I became more interested in video games toward the end of college and decided to apply to video game companies. I got in as a game tester and did that for a year, then applied for a online marketing internship in the same game company because, hey, completely relevant to my education and degree. That’s hard to find. I kicked ass and rose in the ranks but, ultimately, marketing was too far removed for the game development process. I quit and moved to a new city because I was also tired of having lived in the same place for 24 years.

I got a job at another game company as a tester again. This was very satisfying, as I got to work on a game series which I’d wanted to work on since college. I rose through the ranks again. By this time I’d started writing short stories as well, and I was taking writing classes. I love it. It’s pure expression, unhindered by anyone else’s presence. Money became a priority for a while so, after three years or so, I found a new job in another state. I moved, got better pay. I was kind of depressed around this time after a couple of rough relationships and my personal life wasn’t well. This and my yearning to work at a particular company prompted me to move again. I was living on a boat then. That was cool. I worked on contract for six months until the dream company called and I went to work here. It’s another satisfying experience.

Been thinking about where to go next. If I manage to get a well-paying position here, I’ll stick around. Pay down some debt so I can resume my travels and get my pilot’s license. (I traveled a lot for a while there). Seattle or Vancouver also call to me, and working as a professional pilot. Getting my stories published. Just a matter of time by my estimation.

Dead Space 1987

Though I’ve been working in video games for nearly ten years, I’ve never made a game. I’ve always been in a support role. Testing, marketing. Maybe some copywriting, if I was lucky, but not much of it. The few games I tried to develop in my initial college years were half-hearted and half-assed. My greatest creations of the era were little experiments like Larry the Looter and Herman Hunt.

But I learned some basics in programs like Flash and Photoshop, and since then I’ve witnessed the development of game titles from early stages all the way to conclusion. The world of hobbyist game development has also flourished, resulting in games that can be made by anyone who knows how to use a computer. The tools–such as Adventure Game Studio, GameMaker, RPG Maker, and Construct 2–are robust, understandable, and best of all do not require the once-limiting factor of skill with programming. Something like Twine can be used to write and create interactive stories that don’t require art. It’s a hell of a time to be alive if you’re into making your own games.

So I have the tools, but there’s the rest of the equation. Ideas, imagination, talent. There’s that question: do I want it enough? Can I overcome self-imposed walls to create something? I wrote short stories for years and started to develop a knack for it, but severe writers’ block and an inability to travel has stopped me from doing that for some time. The former the primary problem, the latter a hindrance for someone whose imagination is fueled by personal experience. For me, no travel means little in the way of story ideas.

That leads me to this decision. I worked on Dead Space 2 and Dead Space 3 during my time at EA. The span of time of those two projects (2009-2012) was also a particularly tempestuous time in my life. I started to think, how can I cap that off? Working at Double Fine is an incredible and inspiring change of pace, but I’ve tired of not spending my own time making something. Action toward creation. The decision then is to take action and make something. Get moving and gain some experience.

deadspace_nes_BMiggs

The tool: Construct 2.

The inspiration: Dead Space by B. Miggs and Metroid.

The goal: plan and execute a fully fleshed-out recreation of the original Dead Space as if it had been released in 1987. The closure of being done with that part of my life.

Dead Space 1987

Though I’ve been working in video games for nearly ten years, I’ve never made a game. I’ve always been in a support role. Testing, marketing. Maybe some copywriting, if I was lucky, but not much of it. The few games I tried to develop in my initial college years were half-hearted and half-assed. My greatest creations of the era were little experiments like Larry the Looter and Herman Hunt.

But I learned some basics in programs like Flash and Photoshop, and since then I’ve witnessed the development of game titles from early stages all the way to conclusion. The world of hobbyist game development has also flourished, resulting in games that can be made by anyone who knows how to use a computer. The tools–such as Adventure Game Studio, GameMaker, RPG Maker, and Construct 2–are robust, understandable, and best of all do not require the once-limiting factor of skill with programming. Something like Twine can be used to write and create interactive stories that don’t require art. It’s a hell of a time to be alive if you’re into making your own games.

So I have the tools, but there’s the rest of the equation. Ideas, imagination, talent. There’s that question: do I want it enough? Can I overcome self-imposed walls to create something? I wrote short stories for years and started to develop a knack for it, but severe writers’ block and an inability to travel has stopped me from doing that for some time. The former the primary problem, the latter a hindrance for someone whose imagination is fueled by personal experience. For me, no travel means little in the way of story ideas.

That leads me to this decision. I worked on Dead Space 2 and Dead Space 3 during my time at EA. The span of time of those two projects (2009-2012) was also a particularly tempestuous time in my life. I started to think, how can I cap that off? Working at Double Fine is an incredible and inspiring change of pace, but I’ve tired of not spending my own time making something. Action toward creation. The decision then is to take action and make something. Get moving and gain some experience.

deadspace_nes_BMiggs

The tool: Construct 2.

The inspiration: Dead Space by B. Miggs and Metroid.

The goal: plan and execute a fully fleshed-out recreation of the original Dead Space as if it had been released in 1987. The closure of being done with that part of my life.

Careers

Dedicated two hours to Linkedin profile updates. I included progressions via promotion (intern to assistant to associate, for instance), the many projects I had not yet included, and a change in layout so that Experience and Projects are at the top of the page. You reach a point in life where it’s all that matters.

Browsed through some of my connections’ profiles at the tail end of it. Folks I worked with in one city or another have begun to disperse now that they have more experience. Some surprising, some as I would expect. A few had a tenacity and professionalism that meant they’d climb high on the ladder and quickly. I’m glad for anyone who succeeds. Doesn’t spend too much time in one place.

Got me thinking about the purpose of a career. I figure it as some folks are climbers, end of story. Some need a certain stability and safety, and they’ll work to get it. Some just go along with it. Early on I was squarely in the latter, but now a career’s a bit more important. Still not interested in conscious effort to hold a position or power, but I do want to work on cool stuff. And I want to be paid well to do it. A career will afford me the chance to get both. It won’t last forever, and certainly not for decades, but for as long as I can make it work.

Careers

Dedicated two hours to Linkedin profile updates. I included progressions via promotion (intern to assistant to associate, for instance), the many projects I had not yet included, and a change in layout so that Experience and Projects are at the top of the page. You reach a point in life where it’s all that matters.

Browsed through some of my connections’ profiles at the tail end of it. Folks I worked with in one city or another have begun to disperse now that they have more experience. Some surprising, some as I would expect. A few had a tenacity and professionalism that meant they’d climb high on the ladder and quickly. I’m glad for anyone who succeeds. Doesn’t spend too much time in one place.

Got me thinking about the purpose of a career. I figure it as some folks are climbers, end of story. Some need a certain stability and safety, and they’ll work to get it. Some just go along with it. Early on I was squarely in the latter, but now a career’s a bit more important. Still not interested in conscious effort to hold a position or power, but I do want to work on cool stuff. And I want to be paid well to do it. A career will afford me the chance to get both. It won’t last forever, and certainly not for decades, but for as long as I can make it work.

reset

There is suspicion in my thoughts. My gut tells me things, at moments like this, at home, in the dark, after a day of work and reflections on stray thoughts. It warns me about who I trust. It tells me something isn’t right in my life. Doubt stems from uncertainty. The cycles between realizations are becoming shorter and shorter, as is the recovery time. I believe that this is how a life works.

The notion sprung into my mind in a meeting this afternoon.

I do not care.

We prattled on about process and upward mobility. Theresa was bubbly, John reiterated his corporate ambition, Nabil was insightful, and Ryan waited for the meeting to end. If I weren’t the stickler for getting things done I would’ve joined him in silence. Instead, I took notes, chimed in from time to time. I am in charge, after all. Somehow I am always in charge.

I see this a lot these days. Those of us who have been doing this for a while become more detached, and less involved in the stress of it all. The more motivated employees might be adept at feigning ambition, if only for steady income, but others begin to fade from the scene. There is only so much challenge in this work. This life. Middle management is notorious for a good reason. It becomes the most draining kind of rut if someone is not ambitious enough to climb ever higher up the ladder for the sake of simply climbing.

For instance: eleven in the morning is not an acceptable start time, and yet I do it because I can. No one dares to call me out. I have established that the work speaks for itself, as it should.

I simply know that I am done climbing this ladder.

What else can I do? What else can I learn?

I’m planning a reset in the desert before I take any immediate action. Lots of water, the tarp for the tent in case it rains. No food. A form of forced physical introspection that I have found to be beneficial. Everything is sharpened by eliminating all but the most immediate thoughts. After the first day I cease to be hungry. By the third day I feel all skin and bone. All thought is minimal and I know what to do.