Unsettled

I wanted to be a pilot as a kid. I didn’t know what to do in middle and high school, so I just went to college because that seemed like the thing to do. I was this close to going to a vocational college for aeronautics and airplane maintenance (just before 9/11). I had a full ride at a 4-year and got through my first year. An english class in which I had to write a short story was the best experience there.

After the year was up I decided graphic and web design was more interesting, so I took out a loan and attended a 2-year college. Completed my courses and graduated with an AA. I became more interested in video games toward the end of college and decided to apply to video game companies. I got in as a game tester and did that for a year, then applied for a online marketing internship in the same game company because, hey, completely relevant to my education and degree. That’s hard to find. I kicked ass and rose in the ranks but, ultimately, marketing was too far removed for the game development process. I quit and moved to a new city because I was also tired of having lived in the same place for 24 years.

I got a job at another game company as a tester again. This was very satisfying, as I got to work on a game series which I’d wanted to work on since college. I rose through the ranks again. By this time I’d started writing short stories as well, and I was taking writing classes. I love it. It’s pure expression, unhindered by anyone else’s presence. Money became a priority for a while so, after three years or so, I found a new job in another state. I moved, got better pay. I was kind of depressed around this time after a couple of rough relationships and my personal life wasn’t well. This and my yearning to work at a particular company prompted me to move again. I was living on a boat then. That was cool. I worked on contract for six months until the dream company called and I went to work here. It’s another satisfying experience.

Been thinking about where to go next. If I manage to get a well-paying position here, I’ll stick around. Pay down some debt so I can resume my travels and get my pilot’s license. (I traveled a lot for a while there). Seattle or Vancouver also call to me, and working as a professional pilot. Getting my stories published. Just a matter of time by my estimation.

Unsettled

I wanted to be a pilot as a kid. I didn’t know what to do in middle and high school, so I just went to college because that seemed like the thing to do. I was this close to going to a vocational college for aeronautics and airplane maintenance (just before 9/11). I had a full ride at a 4-year and got through my first year. An english class in which I had to write a short story was the best experience there.

After the year was up I decided graphic and web design was more interesting, so I took out a loan and attended a 2-year college. Completed my courses and graduated with an AA. I became more interested in video games toward the end of college and decided to apply to video game companies. I got in as a game tester and did that for a year, then applied for a online marketing internship in the same game company because, hey, completely relevant to my education and degree. That’s hard to find. I kicked ass and rose in the ranks but, ultimately, marketing was too far removed for the game development process. I quit and moved to a new city because I was also tired of having lived in the same place for 24 years.

I got a job at another game company as a tester again. This was very satisfying, as I got to work on a game series which I’d wanted to work on since college. I rose through the ranks again. By this time I’d started writing short stories as well, and I was taking writing classes. I love it. It’s pure expression, unhindered by anyone else’s presence. Money became a priority for a while so, after three years or so, I found a new job in another state. I moved, got better pay. I was kind of depressed around this time after a couple of rough relationships and my personal life wasn’t well. This and my yearning to work at a particular company prompted me to move again. I was living on a boat then. That was cool. I worked on contract for six months until the dream company called and I went to work here. It’s another satisfying experience.

Been thinking about where to go next. If I manage to get a well-paying position here, I’ll stick around. Pay down some debt so I can resume my travels and get my pilot’s license. (I traveled a lot for a while there). Seattle or Vancouver also call to me, and working as a professional pilot. Getting my stories published. Just a matter of time by my estimation.

Peter Heller’s ‘The Dog Stars’

This is what I call a good cover. I can look at it, read the jacket, and know that I’ll like it. The base elements are: post-SHTF, flying, dog as a companion, apocalyptic survivors. Leastways this is how its presented. It was recommended to me at a book shop near the boat. Must’ve been the living in those cramped, isolated conditions that really put me in a mood for post-apocalyptic fare. I bought up a few different ones aside. Didn’t even get to read it until I was off the harbor and in a place of solid walls. Not that I read there, either. Train commute to work’s the only place I can muster it.

The Road came out a few years back now and its inevitable to compare any post-SHTF scenario about lonesome survivors with that book. McCarthy’s delivered such a solid punch in the gut with his story that there’s no forgetting it. Heller’s book isn’t quite the same in the level of bleakness, which is something I dig. Hopelessness makes hope shine all the brighter. But he ventures into some of that despair early on. I reckon the first half, perhaps a bit more. It’s all set-up for the end, in hindsight. That’s a way to think of it, ain’t it? Waiting for a punchline plain as day. The early story’s focus is on Hig the protagonist, his dog buddy Jasper, and his survival buddy Bangley. Hig’s got some of the sensitivity of a poet hunter, naturally, and his dog’s a pitch perfect man’s best friend. Easy to tell that the author channels himself into the man. Bangley’s the foil, but also a bridge between Hig’s civilized man and the few people who scour the land in search of food, shelter. No different from any other human in this world. As unlikeable as Bangley gets, he’s on Hig’s side, and of course your side as the reader. Hig says it himself: “He was giving me a pep talk. It was working. Goddamn Bangley.” A vile dude, but you’re grateful as hell to have him around, and wary of ever crossing someone like him.

The emotional layer later in the story rubbed me the wrong way on account of a meeting with a woman and a build-up to sex scenes that is lacking in subtlety. Badly written sex leaves a mark on a story. But it passes, and I don’t begrudge them some tenderness and companionship given the place these characters are in. Just has that contrived sense to it. I say more and I spoil it rotten, but suffice to say, it stuck. Like meat fibers between molars. Just think of the Queen and it’ll pass.

That comparison to The Road is what does me in about it. I can’t get over the way that story goes, and the way this story doesn’t. Like one kind of apple compared to another, and the aftertaste. Time and distance from it ought to help sort things out. Best I can say anyway is it’s good enough for a second read. That short stack of stories worth revisiting.

Peter Heller’s ‘The Dog Stars’

This is what I call a good cover. I can look at it, read the jacket, and know that I’ll like it. The base elements are: post-SHTF, flying, dog as a companion, apocalyptic survivors. Leastways this is how its presented. It was recommended to me at a book shop near the boat. Must’ve been the living in those cramped, isolated conditions that really put me in a mood for post-apocalyptic fare. I bought up a few different ones aside. Didn’t even get to read it until I was off the harbor and in a place of solid walls. Not that I read there, either. Train commute to work’s the only place I can muster it.

The Road came out a few years back now and its inevitable to compare any post-SHTF scenario about lonesome survivors with that book. McCarthy’s delivered such a solid punch in the gut with his story that there’s no forgetting it. Heller’s book isn’t quite the same in the level of bleakness, which is something I dig. Hopelessness makes hope shine all the brighter. But he ventures into some of that despair early on. I reckon the first half, perhaps a bit more. It’s all set-up for the end, in hindsight. That’s a way to think of it, ain’t it? Waiting for a punchline plain as day. The early story’s focus is on Hig the protagonist, his dog buddy Jasper, and his survival buddy Bangley. Hig’s got some of the sensitivity of a poet hunter, naturally, and his dog’s a pitch perfect man’s best friend. Easy to tell that the author channels himself into the man. Bangley’s the foil, but also a bridge between Hig’s civilized man and the few people who scour the land in search of food, shelter. No different from any other human in this world. As unlikeable as Bangley gets, he’s on Hig’s side, and of course your side as the reader. Hig says it himself: “He was giving me a pep talk. It was working. Goddamn Bangley.” A vile dude, but you’re grateful as hell to have him around, and wary of ever crossing someone like him.

The emotional layer later in the story rubbed me the wrong way on account of a meeting with a woman and a build-up to sex scenes that is lacking in subtlety. Badly written sex leaves a mark on a story. But it passes, and I don’t begrudge them some tenderness and companionship given the place these characters are in. Just has that contrived sense to it. I say more and I spoil it rotten, but suffice to say, it stuck. Like meat fibers between molars. Just think of the Queen and it’ll pass.

That comparison to The Road is what does me in about it. I can’t get over the way that story goes, and the way this story doesn’t. Like one kind of apple compared to another, and the aftertaste. Time and distance from it ought to help sort things out. Best I can say anyway is it’s good enough for a second read. That short stack of stories worth revisiting.

Flight

Got caught in a wikipedia vortex that lasted for four hours. Lots of history of the west coast of North America (best place on Earth, I reckon), cities in California, the various wars and treaties involved in carving out the current boundaries. Depresses me a bit because I’ve traveled some and it’s not enough. I haven’t experienced nearly enough of what’s out here. Figure the only way it’ll happen is to give it all away and live poor or get myself rich. Both difficult.

At one point I got turned onto zeppelins. They’re a marvel, you know that? Big gas-filled balloons several times larger than the larget jumbo jets. Hardly see them now, but they’re something else. Takes a bit of work to get on one nowadays, let alone get to fly a zeppelin. Seems a waste to me to just be the passenger.

The master list is updated. More specific. I want to get a pilot’s license, starting with the small prop plane VFR and IFR. Then helicopters. Then, goddamn it, then the zeppelins. Few as there are it’ll be a challenge, especially if approached as a hobby. There’s no hobbying into the gondola of a zeppelin. It’s going to be a choice. Difficult as always, until it’s simple as breathing.

Flight

Got caught in a wikipedia vortex that lasted for four hours. Lots of history of the west coast of North America (best place on Earth, I reckon), cities in California, the various wars and treaties involved in carving out the current boundaries. Depresses me a bit because I’ve traveled some and it’s not enough. I haven’t experienced nearly enough of what’s out here. Figure the only way it’ll happen is to give it all away and live poor or get myself rich. Both difficult.

At one point I got turned onto zeppelins. They’re a marvel, you know that? Big gas-filled balloons several times larger than the larget jumbo jets. Hardly see them now, but they’re something else. Takes a bit of work to get on one nowadays, let alone get to fly a zeppelin. Seems a waste to me to just be the passenger.

The master list is updated. More specific. I want to get a pilot’s license, starting with the small prop plane VFR and IFR. Then helicopters. Then, goddamn it, then the zeppelins. Few as there are it’ll be a challenge, especially if approached as a hobby. There’s no hobbying into the gondola of a zeppelin. It’s going to be a choice. Difficult as always, until it’s simple as breathing.

elbows

My left elbow is always ashier than than my right, and I always think about this. It isn’t the vanity of it, because it’s an elbow for fuck’s sake, but the asymmetry kind of bothers me. Ashy, not ashy. What could cause this? Sleeping patterns? Leaning on one side more than the other? Diet imbalance?

Today, I was looking at photos of Cessnas and the views from the inside the cockpit. Here’s the cockpit of an older model 172:

cessna-cockpit

Ain’t that a sight?

Cessnas are my favorite. They’re small, not cumbersome, and the maneuverability is pretty good for a single engine from what I’ve been told. It reminds me of sitting in my old ‘78 Nova before I wrecked it. The one with the bench seats. It even had red interiors, just like this photo. I used to drive up and down the 405 late at night, around 2 or 3 in the morning, and listen to music on the old radio. Rock, usually. Metallica if it was a good night, back then. There were hardly any other cars and I could drive, brother, drive and drive. Just coast along with all my windows open and that V8 tearing the place up. Of all my incidents with the law, I was never caught speeding. And I’ve never been convicted of anything anyway, so who knows. I’m not going to say what you’re thinking. When I drive I like the windows open, feel the wind of each time and place, like the sea mist, the choking exhaust of the trucks near the port, the low clouds high up in the mountains. I did this in my Nova. I’ve done this in every vehicle I’ve owned. And I did this the few times I’ve flown in a Cessna. It’s got windows, and if one is inclined you can open them up and just let that wind way up there flow in, drowning out everything but the sound of your voice into the headset. Lean that elbow out the window…

So that was the moment. The realization. I always drive with my left elbow sticking out of the driver’s/pilot’s side window. Always. Rain or shine, you’ll see me with that elbow poking out of there. The right elbow just sits inside, safe from the elements.

Ashy, not ashy.

Such a beautiful process.

elbows

My left elbow is always ashier than than my right, and I always think about this. It isn’t the vanity of it, because it’s an elbow for fuck’s sake, but the asymmetry kind of bothers me. Ashy, not ashy. What could cause this? Sleeping patterns? Leaning on one side more than the other? Diet imbalance?

Today, I was looking at photos of Cessnas and the views from the inside the cockpit. Here’s the cockpit of an older model 172:

cessna-cockpit

Ain’t that a sight?

Cessnas are my favorite. They’re small, not cumbersome, and the maneuverability is pretty good for a single engine from what I’ve been told. It reminds me of sitting in my old ‘78 Nova before I wrecked it. The one with the bench seats. It even had red interiors, just like this photo. I used to drive up and down the 405 late at night, around 2 or 3 in the morning, and listen to music on the old radio. Rock, usually. Metallica if it was a good night, back then. There were hardly any other cars and I could drive, brother, drive and drive. Just coast along with all my windows open and that V8 tearing the place up. Of all my incidents with the law, I was never caught speeding. And I’ve never been convicted of anything anyway, so who knows. I’m not going to say what you’re thinking. When I drive I like the windows open, feel the wind of each time and place, like the sea mist, the choking exhaust of the trucks near the port, the low clouds high up in the mountains. I did this in my Nova. I’ve done this in every vehicle I’ve owned. And I did this the few times I’ve flown in a Cessna. It’s got windows, and if one is inclined you can open them up and just let that wind way up there flow in, drowning out everything but the sound of your voice into the headset. Lean that elbow out the window…

So that was the moment. The realization. I always drive with my left elbow sticking out of the driver’s/pilot’s side window. Always. Rain or shine, you’ll see me with that elbow poking out of there. The right elbow just sits inside, safe from the elements.

Ashy, not ashy.

Such a beautiful process.

head in the clouds

I would prefer to die with my head in the clouds, but I know it cannot be so. Perhaps, then, I will simply climb to the top of the mountain, and hope to achieve a miracle.