Tag: goosebumps

New Fiction 2022 – August

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “1 Esdras” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Alright so the Jewish people are free to leave Babylon after a bit more enslavement and the Babylonian kings want them back on the worshipping the Lord train. But as is the way, there are interruptions to rebuilding Jerusalem, and some light banishment of the wives and children who are not of the pure Jewish blood (yikes).

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “2 Esdras” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Much ado about Jerusalem’s wall.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The House of No Return” by R.L. Stine (1994)

The first is a simple story that sets the tone. This has the feel of a Tales from the Crypt episode.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Teacher’s Pet” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Hm no, just not spooky or weird enough for me.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Strained Peas” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Another clunker. It feels like these needs more pages to up the tension a bit more.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Strangers in the Woods” by R.L. Stine (1994)

I like the build-up to the decent little twist at the end there.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Good Friends” by R.L. Stine (1994)

I appreciate what the setup attempts to do but the finale is so banal.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “How I Won My Bat” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Okay these stories are definitely going more for a Tales from the Crypt thing. This one was amusing.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Mr. Teddy” by R.L. Stine (1994)

You know the ending right away (because it’s been done in Night of the Living Dummy), but still a good little story.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Click” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Here we go, I think I’m getting into these as they lean into the comeuppance finales.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Broken Dolls” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Another creepy doll story in one book, but this one’s much better.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “A Vampire in the Neighborhood” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Hey I didn’t see that coming when I should’ve. It seems like the best stories were saved for the end here.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Werewolf’s First Night” by R.L. Stine (1995)

These shorts often have a role reversal for the conclusion, but they’re so short that they lack the tension to set it up as best as possible. So when it happens, it doesn’t hit as hard.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “P.S. Don’t Write Back” by R.L. Stine (1995)

A well-executed classic camp spook. I’m surprised to see two camp shorts in a row. But then these anthologies seem to be microcosms of Stine tropes.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Something Fishy” by R.L. Stine (1995)

Stine just can’t write something good with fish.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “You Gotta Believe Me!” by R.L. Stine (1995)

I don’t miss the fifties alien sci-fi stuff, too much like Monster Blood. It’s just played too goofy when Stine attempts it.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Suckers!” by R.L. Stine (1995)

A fun one with interesting weirdness and I’m a sucker for a comeuppance ending.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Dr. Horror’s House of Video” by R.L. Stine (1995)

Another comeuppance ending and a fun little bunch of scenes from the days of video stores.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Cat’s Tale” by R.L. Stine (1995)

I don’t think we’d seen cat stories before this one, at least not in the main series until Series 2000.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Shell Shocker” by R.L. Stine (1995)

It just dawned on me that these are all summer vacation stories. (The cover with skeletons around a campfire should’ve also been a hint.) And this story is great, even if obvious how it’s going to end.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Poison Ivy” by R.L. Stine (1995)

How is Stine better at writing creepy plants than he is at writing creepy fish?

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Spirit of the Harvest Moon” by R.L. Stine (1995)

Ooh a classic spooky story to end this anthology. The theme so far with these short story books is to wait for the last few to get good.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Chalk Closet” by R.L. Stine (1996)

A good story missing a solid final twist. As it is, it’s just waiting for the inevitable.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Home Sweet Home” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Eh didn’t work for me. Not spooky and another sense of an inevitable conclusion.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Don’t Wake Mummy” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Oh heck yeah, there’s the twist I’ve been craving.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “I’m Telling!” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Not spooky or tense but I like the ending.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Haunted House Game” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Oh wow, this is the best of these short stories so far, full stop. The ending is :chefskiss:.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Change for the Strange” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Animal transformation stories never work in Goosebumps, with the exception of Chicken, Chicken. The authors need to up the body horror factor.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Perfect School” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Decent but too much of the plot is hand waved away.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “For the Birds” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Whoof, two animal transformation stories in one book.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Aliens in the Garden” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Pure twilight zone, but not spooky or twisty enough.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Thumbprint of Doom” by R.L. Stine (1996)

A prank tale, but scare-free prank stories always feel flat.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Pumpkin Juice” by R.L. Stine (1996)

I wrote a story like this once, so I liked it. But I’m pretty sure it’s about drugs.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Attack of the Tattoo” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Hm I was on the fence between a 1 or 2 rank here. Also this is another story about drugs.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Wish” by R.L. Stine (1996)

There we GO. We got a cautionary wish tale and the terror of the mob. That’s the stuff.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “An Old Story” by R.L. Stine (1996)

So this is about child slavery in service of horny old people, but it gets played pretty spooky.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Scarecrow” by R.L. Stine (1996)

It builds in an interesting way but then just fizzles out.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Awesome Ants” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another miss. Giant bugs could be scarier than this.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Please Don’t Feed the Bears” by R.L. Stine (1996)

More uninteresting animal transformation tales.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Goblin’s Glare” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Whoa what is happening. These late stories keep fizzling out.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Bats About Bats” by R.L. Stine (1996)

I just… am not picking up what the author is throwing down with these late stories. Just not scary or interesting.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Space Suit Snatcher” by R.L. Stine (1996)

I liked the kid in this story, but that’s all the praise it gets. Another non-scary entry with a fizzled finale.

Dracula Daily – “August” by Bram Stoker & ed. Matt Kirkland (1897, 2021)

It feels like a lifetime since we heard from dear Jonathan, but Mina’s cool too.

The Beast from the East by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another monster adventure away from home, but also another underwhelming execution. I’m not sure if I’m souring on the tropes or if these stories are just getting too goofy for me to appreciate them as the horror stories I expect. The podcast commentary I’ve been listening to has noted that early Goosebumps is definitely scarier than later books. But it’s also got good pacing and the monsters and setting are intriguing so I give it points for that.

Say Cheese and Die—Again! by R.L. Stine (1996)

I thought the final chapter about getting revenge on the teacher-bully might redeem this one but it just falls flat. It’s a deeply uncomfortable book about body shaming and the “horror” of weight issues. And it’s frustrating when the protagonists consistently fail to solve the problem that they already dealt with this in the first book. I finally realize why sequels like this, Mummy Returns, or Monster Blood are so annoying: it’s the same protagonists but they repeat their mistakes from before. Like those aforementioned sequels, another hard pass.

Ghost Camp by R.L. Stine (1996)

Hey alright, back to classic spooks. But the scares are telegraphed way too early for them to be effective later. Or is this just a symptom of having now read close to 50 Goosebumps books and seeing the same setups and tropes? I welcome a return to regular ol’ spooky stuff and there’s sort of a twist in there, so a solid middle-of-the-road rating for this one.

How to Kill a Monster by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another classic monster story but it doesn’t quite land at top tier for me. I thought there would be a twist where the kids are being trained to be monster hunters or something but the twists that do occur are more annoying plot obfuscations. The characters’ actions just strain logic.

Legend of the Lost Legend by R.L. Stine (1996)

A tough one to gauge. Not as bad as many bottom tier books, and in the vein of some fantasy adventures I’ve liked such as Shrunken Head or Beast from the East. But it’s too scattered and the adventure is not as interesting. The opening chapters in third person perspective made me miss the days when some books broke away from always being in the protagonist’s head. This one just barely falls out of the upper ranks.

Attack of the Jack-O’-Lanterns by R.L. Stine (1996)

Holy WHOA this book goes places. The setup had me worried because it’s a lot like You Can’t Scare Me with kids planning revenge and repeatedly failing, as well as flashback filler like in Cuckoo Clock of Doom. But halfway through it gets legit scary and it’s not clear where it’s headed. The final twist is bonkers but then it leads into another final-final twist and I loved it.

Vampire Breath by R.L. Stine (1996)

Maybe I’m still in a good mood from the last book but I really liked this one too, even if the scares and twists don’t hit as hard. It has the time travel element of Terror Tower that weirdly worked and a classic vampire setting in an old castle is great. Well-paced and fun all around.

Calling All Creeps by R.L. Stine (1996)

Dig the pacing, the creatures, and the overall arc to the ending. The protagonist is kind of a butt but his behavior is set up with all the bullying leading up to it.

Beware, the Snowman by R.L. Stine (1997)

I don’t know what got into Stine in late 1996 but I’m glad he rebounded. If I was more dedicated I would research Stine’s works in 1996 to see if he was busy elsewhere and had to just phone in the Goosebumps books from the first half of the year. This one telegraphs the finale fairly early but the protagonist’s continual skepticism keeps the reader also doubting everyone until the final bunch of twists and reveals. It’s a good build-up to a finale that has come clunky writing but fun turns.

Chicken, Chicken by R.L. Stine (1997)

The body horror in this is quite disturbing (in a good way). It’s a better take on what Stine tried to do in books like My Hairiest Adventure or Why I’m Afraid of Bees. But I wish it had been the core part of the book until the end, without the magical shenanigans in the final chapters as they try to change back to normal.

Don’t Go to Sleep! by R.L. Stine (1997)

An amusing exploration of the multiverse concept. The terror of the protagonist’s journey never quite comes through, making it a more middle-of-the-road entry.

The Blob That Ate Everyone by R.L. Stine (1997)

An attempt at meta commentary about writing stories. It builds up in an interesting way and just completely deflates with several unsatisfying fakeouts.

The Curse of Camp Cold Lake by R.L. Stine (1997)

A tough one to place. Definitely at least a mid-tier book with lots of tension and messed up tween angst that leads to a horrifying near-death experience. I like the scary build-up, more serious than most of the goofy stuff going on in these late books. The ending kind of fizzles out but it doesn’t diminish everything before it.

My Best Friend is Invisible by R.L. Stine (1997)

Better writing than usual, but it’s just not an interesting journey until the final insane twist. This could’ve been a scarier book about the terror of an obsessive invisible person who can get away with dangerous stuff. And the scientist parents thing feels like it’s going to pay off and just… doesn’t.

Deep Trouble II by R.L. Stine (1997)

This book avoids some of the problems from other sequels, but it’s not scary and the adventure is also not interesting. Another dud here near the end.

The Haunted School by R.L. Stine (1997)

If this is the last great book I read before the end then it singlehandedly makes reading the last few books a worthwhile journey. A spooky adventure in the tradition of the earliest books with some truly creepy stuff going on. The homage to “All Summer in a Day” is the cherry on top.

Werewolf Skin by R.L. Stine (1997)

Another return to form. A classic werewolf mystery that is perhaps too heavy-handed in its foreshadowing but still fun.

I Live in Your Basement! by R.L. Stine (1997)

What in the world. This one’s barely a unified story, but I give it extra points for being so bizarre and gross.

Monster Blood IV by R.L. Stine (1997)

Hey one more trip through a third-person narrative! But I’m annoyed that they made this another Monster Blood book when it could have been a standalone. I’ll be generous because we’re at the end here and when I look at it as a story separate from the Monster Blood series then it’s decent, something to mix in with the mid-tier reads.

Cry of the Cat by R.L. Stine (1998)

I was really into it until the final chapters where it just runs out of steam. The story should’ve ended at the cat house.

Bride of the Living Dummy by R.L. Stine (1998)

Apparently I watched the TV episode when doing that dummy research… but I remember nothing about it. Maybe a vague idea about the dummy trying to make a kid its wife? But holy crap, reading the book was something else. It’s possibly the best Slappy book of the four I read so far.

“Venus En Route” by Edith Zimmerman (2022)

Sooner or later.

Goosebumps Night of Scares dev. Cosmic Forces (2015)

That goddamn clown.

Goosebumps: Escape from HorrorLand dev. Dreamworks Interactive (1996)

That period in history when movie magic was captured at 640×480 resolution.

Stray dev. BlueTwelve Studio (2022)

But they still look down on them in the sunshine.

Goosebumps: HorrorLand dev. Gusto Games (2008)

Your efforts are rewarded with doom.

Goosebumps: Attack of the Mutant dev. BlueSky Software (1997)

Reality is simply a sea of flat cardboard cutouts.

Bullet Train dir. David Leitch (2022)

The white westerner’s life.

3 Ninjas Kick Back dir. Charles T. Kanganis (1994)

Be a hero but never forget the big game.

28 Days dir. Betty Thomas (2000)

You almost had something but were too scared to stick the landing.

The Gray Man dir. Anthony Russo & Joe Russo (2022)

No peril when everyone’s the deserving villain.

Fall dir. Scott Mann (2022)

Nope.

Bodies Bodies Bodies dir. Halina Reijn (2022)

Have money, will live.

Three Thousand Years of Longing dir. George Miller (2022)

Trace the path of who you’re going to be.

Beast dir. Baltasar Kormákur (2022)

A refreshing bath in still water.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween dir. Ari Sandel (2018)

In the spirit of the wackiest Ernest movies.

Goosebumps – “Say Cheese and Die… Again” (1998)

So many levels of failure to get here.

Goosebumps – “How to Kill a Monster” (1997)

The swamp hold a particular fascination for you, doesn’t it?

Goosebumps – “Attack of the Jack O Lanterns” (1996)

Ironic punishment division.

Goosebumps – “Vampire Breath” (1996)

Give me a hidden chamber in the basement any day.

Goosebumps – “Calling All Creeps” (1997)

Better to rule in school.

Goosebumps – “Don’t Go to Sleep” (1997)

Finally, a chance for hockey.

Goosebumps – “The Blob That Ate Everyone” (1997)

A little too veiny.

Goosebumps – “My Best Friend Is Invisible” (1997)

White on the left, black on the right. (And vice versa.)

Goosebumps – “Deep Trouble” (1998)

Clumsy seaside science.

Goosebumps – “Werewolf Skin” (1997)

Removing the skin we show the world.

Goosebumps – “The House of No Return” (1997)

The dealmakers will always outwit you.

Goosebumps – “Strained Peas” (1998)

Demon children need the most attention.

Goosebumps – “Teacher’s Pet” (1998)

The forest of an underpaid teacher.

Goosebumps – “Click” (1997)

Adam Sandler you coward, admit you stole the idea from a Goosebumps story.

Goosebumps – “Don’t Wake Mummy” (1997)

But did you have to prove your superiority?

Goosebumps – “The Haunted House Game” (1997)

Whoof, read the story.

Goosebumps – “Perfect School” (1997)

Dolly kicked off a cottage industry.

Goosebumps – “An Old Story” (1997)

Horny is a state of being.

Goosebumps – “Awesome Ants” (1998)

We watch the watchers who watch us.

Goosebumps – “Cry of the Cat” (1998)

This thing’s just a Cardassian vole with two legs missing.

Better Call Saul – Season 6 (2022)

Rapidfire regrets and comrades falling by the wayside.

Keep Breathing (2022)

No easy outs.

Goosebumps: Chillogy (1998)

The padding is showing.

I just imagine R.L. Stine’s tired editor in 1997 reading the draft for The Haunted School after dealing with the madcap bores that Stine had been sending in for months, certain that Goosebumps was on its last legs, then sighing and whispering, “R.L., you son of a bitch…”

And a special shoutout to the kid who left the bookmark in their copy of Deep Trouble II so that I, too, may admire it from within its yellowed paper prison.

I’ve been reading Goosebumps books for months and only just started checking out the video games. I can immediately tell that the first video game is going to be my favorite. It’s a 1996 FMV adventure game called Escape from Horrorland. It blends live action actors and costumes, miniature sets and props, CG environments and effects, and presents the explorable environments in a full 360 degree perspective so the player can turn around and look at each environment from a range of angles. I think it really stands out to me because I’ve played some of the more recent Goosebumps games and their environments are so bland and lifeless compared to the intricate work done on the miniatures for this game. It features the kind of fixed movement we see now in many VR games, where the player stands at a fixed location and then clicks on the next fixed point to advance along a path. It may feel dated but it is also so specifically a product of the mid 90s when FMV was considered the next big medium for interactive adventures. We all know many FMV games were laughably bad but this game’s horror fantasy setting and high production values (Steven Spielberg and Bill Gates are among the investors of the project) lend it a specific charm that I really love. Even though I completed it, I wanna go back and play it again to uncover more stuff in this strange little world. The real shame here is that these amazing visuals have to be constrained by the technical limitations of the era. I’d love to get a sense of what a high definition version of this game looks like with the art rerendered for 1080p resolution (or higher).

Also, if you want to see Jeff Goldblum and Isabella Rossellini ham it up and spar against a bunch of children, this game’s got that, too. It’s quite available for Windows PCs.

New Fiction 2022 – July

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “1 Paralipomenon” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

More begetting children and all their names before coming back around to more of David’s reign. So many chapters are just appendices to previous events.

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “2 Paralipomenon” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Two Paralipomenon, say that five times fast. So now it’s on to Solomon and his riches (again), Roboam talking about how his little finger is bigger than his dad’s dick, and Jeroboam getting whipped with scorpions all the way to the fall of Jerusalem. It’s basically another look at what we saw in Kings.

Dracula Daily – “July” by Bram Stoker & ed. Matt Kirkland (1897, 2021)

Dracula’s finally outta that musty old castle, though leaving Jonathan in the lurch is quite the cliffhanger. And that poor, poor captain.

Bad Hare Day by R.L. Stine (1996)

A mish-mash of various ideas from earlier books. It has the vibe of Haunted Mask and stealing secrets from weird adults, the experimenting with illicit stuff from Monster Blood, animal transformations from various books, bratty younger sister who bullies the protagonist, a Slappy-like snarky villainous character. It’s too much of a remix and more slapstick than horror.

Egg Monsters from Mars by R.L. Stine (1996)

A decent creature story, but the latter half kind of sags with the protagonist spending a lot of time just trapped in a freezer and struggling to stay warm. The villain is genuinely frightening but also one-dimensional and doesn’t really explain his motivation well. And there’s not enough of the egg monsters. It’s close to a top tier book but just sputters too much along the way.

“Bathtub Mermaid” by Edith Zimmerman (2022)

Someone has to hear about the doll thief.

“its time for… the dark cabinet” by itstimeforcomics-blog (2015)

When you least suspect it.

Lost Highway dir. David Lynch (1997)

One can see the continuation of a theme in Lynch’s work since Blue Velvet. Does he want us see the darkness or the light?

Mad God dir. Phil Tippett (2022)

If the journey ends for you, it doesn’t mean it’s the end.

Mr. Malcolm’s List dir. Emma Holly Jones (2022)

British accents always class up the cruelty.

Thor: Love and Thunder dir. Taika Waititi (2022)

Whoof, what a drop from Ragnarok.

Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers dir. Akiva Schaffer (2022)

A reflection of a reflection that is unaware of what it sees.

Where the Crawdads Sing dir. Olivia Newman (2022)

Pump up the volume on the mystery, tone down the romance.

Nope dir. Jordan Peele (2022)

The most fun take on Jaws since the original. A real hoot and also really fucked up at times. An understanding of horror by someone who continues to bring cool ideas to movies.

Vengeance dir. B. J. Novak (2022)

You get awful close but you shouldn’t have been the face of it. Now we ask, what did we learn?

Fear Street Part One: 1994 dir. Leigh Janiak (2021)

Really going for it right out of the gate. I’m in. Now I need to know if I should go back and read Fear Street after reading this bunch of Goosebumps books.

Fear Street Part Two: 1978 dir. Leigh Janiak (2021)

Even the devil craves a kind word.

Fear Street Part Three: 1666 dir. Leigh Janiak (2021)

Legacy is mankind’s ruin.

Goosebumps – “Bad Hare Day” (1996)

Erf, the book was rough, and the episode doesn’t do itself any favors by leaning into the snarky villain.

Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (1988-1990)

A nostalgia bomb like every one of these 90s cartoons tends to be, though the tropes eventually wear thin when watching it all in one go. Monterey Jack may be what crystallized my appreciation of cheese.

Better Call Saul – Season 5 (2020)

This show… it doesn’t build the way Breaking Bad builds. It’s more of a roller coaster with the sense of hitting the same drop a few too many times. This season is a bookmark in place while you wait for the extra season that should have been season five.

The Book of Boba Fett (2021-2022)

I feel bad for the actors and crew of this ostensibly standalone TV show. Your makers should have had the fortitude to stick the vision.

Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)

Better, but only because it is exactly what I remember. It’s comfortable, like an old pair of socks.

The other thing I would think about is [R.L. Stine’s] attitude towards work in general. So he obviously, on the one hand, is someone who works really hard. And on the other hand, he’s someone who’s very nontraditional in how he approached work. So he wanted to have a humor magazine and he didn’t care about doing well in school. He just liked writing jokes and then liked writing these books for kids. Like we’ve talked about before, he has this kind of antiauthoritarian attitude. Maybe for him, all work that isn’t work you want to do is bad. Both issues to do with bad workplaces, and then issues to do with classism come up a ton in his work. And I think they’re personal issues for him, too.

Discussing R.L. Stine’s very relatable disdain toward the workaday world on Say Podcast and Die!

New Fiction 2022 – June

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “3 Kings” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Okay so now Solomon’s in charge and there’s no war so things are good? Except he’s going around murdering enemies Godfather-style. And now a parade of kings as we run down the list and deeds of the rest of David’s successors.

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “4 Kings” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

I think Eliseus is the star here? But the details of the chapters are more scattered. Perhaps due to winding down the chronicle of the kings. Hazael, Jezrahel, Jezabel, oh my. Oh shit Jehu will not stand for Baal worship. Dang, and Jerusalem has fallen!

Tales of the Dominion War – “What Dreams May Come” by Michael Jan Friedman (2004)

The complacency of fools something something.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Night of the Vulture” by Greg Cox (2004)

As close to Cannibal Holocaust as Star Trek gets.

Tales of the Dominion War – “The Ceremony of Innocence is Drowned” by Keith R.A. DeCandido (2004)

Put up your walls and a gun for every good citizen.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Blood Sacrifice” by Josepha Sherman & Susan Schwartz (2004)

Impatience is a sign of having lived too long.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Mirror Eyes” by Heather Jarman & Jeffrey Lang (2004)

If your place is compromised, that’s your new place.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Twilight’s Wrath” by David Mack (2004)

Slash the throat of your master to serve you and yours.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Eleven Hours Out” by Dave Galanter (2004)

The only place to go is the way ahead.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Safe Harbors” by Howard Weinstein (2004)

Call them all in, we’re alone.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Field Expediency” by Dayton Ward & Kevin Dilmore (2004)

Desperation will keep you from seeing it all.

Tales of the Dominion War – “A Song Well Sung” by Robert Greenberger (2004)

When your enemy leaves you bare.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Stone Cold Truths” by Peter David (2004)

The children only know what they see and hear.

Tales of the Dominion War – “Requital” by Michael A. Martin & Andy Mangels (2004)

What will you do, when you find it?

Dracula Daily – “June” by Bram Stoker & ed. Matt Kirkland (1897)

A slow and obvious realization that your friend is not your friend.

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton (1990)

The lecture-style of story-telling wears just a bit too thin for my tastes.

“Aquarium” by NoneToon (2022) 

It’s hard to make friends, wouldn’t you agree?

“Making art in America. 👁👄👁” dir. Angie Wang (2022)

Please find a way.

Montana Story dir. Scott McGehee (2022)

Leave when you have to leave. Your place is where you choose to be.

Crimes of the Future dir. David Cronenberg (2022)

The subtle ways in which we fall apart.

Watcher dir. Chloe Okuno (2022)

👍👍👍

Jurassic World Dominion dir. Colin Trevorrow (2022)

Give DeWanda Wise her own adventure movie/series.

Top Gun: Maverick dir. Joseph Kosinski (2022)

Get your planes, get your guns, step right up.

G.I. Joe: The Movie dir. Don Jurwich (1987)

Better with no context whatsoever.

Elvis dir. Baz Luhrmann (2022)


That new Elvis biopic is more entertainment than history, but it still
helped me get why Elvis was a big deal after growing up on 90s media
made by 70s kids who treated him as a joke. And Austin Butler’s portrayal of Elvis is :chefskiss:.

The Black Phone dir. Scott Derrickson (2022)

It sets up all the pieces perfectly.

Lightyear dir. Angus MacLane (2022)

I like space and I like adventures but when you’re Pixar there’s a burden to deliver on a certain level of charm that is missing here.

The Cat Returns dir. Hiroyuki Morita (2004)

A neat little fantasy, and you know, I didn’t realize how much I missed whimsical fantasy adventures with some small measure of risk.

Marcel The Shell With Shoes On dir. Dean Fleischer-Camp (2022)

Marcel’s got the improv quips and a lovely story about what it means to stick to family or to let them go.

Goosebumps – “My Hairiest Adventure” (1996)

Body hair and its many wonders.

Goosebumps – “It Came from Beneath the Sink” (1996)

Stick to the book, although it’s neat seeing the beginnings of an actor who went on to success in the horror genre.

Goosebumps – “The Barking Ghost” (1997)

Woof.

Goosebumps – “Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes” (1996)

Sometimes I see that a given book has been adapted for television and try to imagine how they would’ve pulled it off on a low TV budget of the 90s. And with this one, I fretted over the fact that unless they chose to use expensive stop-motion animation, they’d probably find a way to have little people dressed up as lawn gnomes. Sure enough…

Goosebumps – “Shocker on Shock Street” (1997)

Love the book, not the TV episode. Gonna fret any time a fucked up book ending gets swapped for a more tame TV-friendly version.

Goosebumps – “Haunted Mask II” (1996)

You didn’t have to redo everything from the first one. The book knew that.

Goosebumps – “The Headless Ghost” (1996)

Oh. You know, you had something there at the end. A comeuppance would’ve been good.

Goosebumps – “How I Got My Shrunken Head” (1998)

The book was vague in its exact location and cultural references but the TV episode makes it much more specific about which backward people the white westerners have decided to enslave.

New Fiction 2022 – May

“The Ghost Birds” by Karen Russell (2021)

You see them when you look away.

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “1 Kings” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Saul done fucked up and all of Israel pays the price. God really loves an underdog though, helping David survive and accrue power on the sidelines as he gets built up to be the good king.

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “2 Kings” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

This is some real Game of Thrones-ass Bible with the fallout from Saul’s death and David’s coming and going as he keeps having to fight off the Philistines and others. And I thought Kings was a 2-parter but now you’re telling me there’s ANOTHER TWO chapters of king-making?

Dracula Daily – “May” by Bram Stoker & ed. Matt Kirkland (1897)

My good friend Jonathan Harker is having a rough start to his summer.

“Gorn Trek” by dux (2022)

All of Star Trek is poorer for having not received a TV series following the continued journeys of Gorn.

Outer Wilds – “Echoes of the Eye” dev. Mobius Digital (2021)

I was sour over being made to dwell in the dark, but I understand now. The rest of it bowled me over and now I’ll gladly replay those segments with more appreciation. I can’t get enough of conspiracy board gameplay.

Aperture Desk Job dev. Valve (2022)

Yep, Valve needs to make more games.

Sitting dir. Emily Yoshida (2017)

Hold my hand and tell me of yesterday.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness dir. Sam Raimi (2022)

Like: it’s so weird and VERY Sam Raimi horror-goof. Dislike: too many moving parts and definitely hindered by MCU tie-in fluff. EEAAO is my multiverse of choice this season.

The Ancestral dir. Le-Van Kiet (2022)

You can’t run away when you’re chasing.

Petite Maman dir. Céline Sciamma (2022)

An understanding achieved is the greatest moment.

Firestarter dir. Keith Thomas (2022)

Control was the illusion. Now it’s chaos we seek.

Eraserhead dir. David Lynch (1977)

Motile horrors.

Videodrome dir. David Cronenberg (1983)

Ah, yes, absolutely long live the new flesh.

Men dir. Alex Garland (2022)

You almost got there.

Crash dir. David Cronenberg (1996)

Meet me on I-5 and I’ll show you something sweet.

The Bob’s Burgers Movie dir. Loren Bouchard & Bernard Derriman (2022)

A feature-length pace isn’t always the way.

Goosebumps – “Stay Out of the Basement” (1996)

You know you shouldn’t go back for the dog.

Goosebumps – “Monster Blood” (1996)

Leave Aunt Kathryn to her hi-jinks.

Goosebumps – “Let’s Get Invisible” (1996)

If we’re in it together then it might not be so bad.

Goosebumps – “The Girl Who Cried Monster” (1995)

Self-defeating prophecies.

Goosebumps – “The Ghost Next Door” (1998)

An eternity of repayment.

Goosebumps – “Be Careful What You Wish For” (1996)

Leave good endings alone when you bring them to TV.

Goosebumps – “The Werewolf of Fever Swamp” (1996)

If a howl works, take it.

Goosebumps – “You Can’t Scare Me” (1996)

The perfect girl is real actually.

Goosebumps – “One Day at Horrorland” (1997)

You had to take it too far.

Goosebumps – “More Monster Blood” (1996)

A light jaunt through 1970s TV set design.

Goosebumps – “Scarecrow Walks at Midnight” (1996)

Nope.

Goosebumps – “Go Eat Worms” (1996)

Perhaps the most awful notion.

Goosebumps – “Ghost Beach” (1996)

Just stick to nice hotels.

Goosebumps – “Return of the Mummy” (1995)

Story so nice they did it twice.

Goosebumps – “Phantom of the Auditorium” (1995)

Not the dark and handsome stranger you’re looking for.

Como Dice el Dicho – “Muerto el perro se acabó la rabia” (2019)

Except I wouldn’t even want a dog.

Goosebumps podcasts as accompaniment to the texts

TL;DR, I’m reading Goosebumps books and listening to some relevant podcasts that I can recommend to other readers.

I started reading the Goosebumps books and just kinda blazing through them since each one can be read in less than two hours. They’re fun reads, but since I’ll likely never read these again I wanted to support my readings with additional materials to help it all stick before I move on.

It started by doing the thing where I search for a lot of relevant information and references in the usual wikis but then realized, oh, there’s surely a podcast for that.

(There are many.)

(Never mind the video essays and reviews on YouTube, I’m not even going to start down that rabbit hole.)

I listened to various episodes and wasn’t kind finding everything I wanted in a single podcast (some comedy, some plot exploration, some reading too far into texts designed for children), so I decided to choose three podcasts and listen to each show’s episodes for a given book as trios of roundtable discussions and lectures on the works of R.L. Stine. It was also important to me that the podcast actually covers the core 62 books in the original series because I’m a completionist (to a point), and these do!

Also, these are all podcasts about children’s books but very much meant for adults. So, you know, parents may wanna find other ways to chat with their kids about the crusty old Goosebumps books they grew up with.

These are the podcasts I have in rotation and the order in which I listen to them after I finish reading a Goosebumps book.

#1 – Goosebumps: Welcome to Deadcast

Hosted by twin brothers and Goosebumps megafans, I like this show for the comedic stylings of the hosts, their clear love of the Goosebumps series, and perhaps most importantly the fact that they do the play-by-play breakdown of the plot as a core part of each episode. That makes it a good first episode to get reminded of what actually happens in the story. Bonus: they always talk about the TV episode adapted from the book (if there was an episode), something the other podcasts only occasionally brush against in their discussions of the stories.

#2 – Goosebuds

This is the run-of-the-mill podcast experience. The hosts are three straight white men (in fact all of these shows are hosted by white Americans, which bums me out but I couldn’t find podcasts with more varied host backgrounds), they are all performers or writers working in TV, and they love to veer off into tangents unrelated to the Goosebumps book they’re discussing in the episode. One gets the sense that they feel there’s not enough meat on the bones of just talking about the books so they improv for a while to pad out the runtime. That said, they’re funny guys, and I like to listen to their takes on these books just for the chuckles. But I’d say this podcast is skippable for anyone who doesn’t wanna cram this much Goosebumps material into their brains. Also, early episodes of the podcast are during the Obama presidency when it was seemingly alright to joke about eugenics and culling people, which, yikes. Listener beware.

#3 – Say Podcast and Die!

This newer show may be my favorite after listening to twenty episodes or so of each podcast. The hosts self-describe as queer and are both funny and keep the tone light, but they are also educators and approach the discussion of each book almost like a class lecture, asking each other questions in order to draw out more thoughts and theories on what was going through R.L. Stine’s brain or what aspects of the real world may have informed the choices in the text. Initially, it really felt like a classroom setting where I was being asked questions and didn’t have answers, but I’ve grown to appreciate these hosts’ more critical analysis of the stories. I save these episodes for last so that I come away from the experience of having read a Goosebumps book with bigger questions and analysis than I would otherwise develop by simply reading the book and moving on.