Howard was on my mind this morning as I drove to work. Specifically, I found it curious that the duck-like species of his homeworld underwent a type of convergent evolution that led them to adapt distinctly human features such as bipedalism, language, and culture (ahem, Playduck). Given this we, or rather the Anthropologists and other Experts in the film, would need to reconsider what it means to be human. Is a human a biological concept or is it a philosophical one (if you say both you may need to answer why in the form of a paragraph)? Could they consider Howard and all of the duck-like members of his species to be humans or would ‘human’ need to become a term isolated to Homo sapiens? If that was the case, would they need to extend human rights to a non-human, Howard, or would ‘human rights’ become ‘H. sapiens rights’? Would his rights still be granted even if he is an illegal alien, and might I add one whose home territory is decidedly inaccessible? What if he wants to get married to Lea Thompson (and who could blame him) because he loves her, and she loves him? What legal recourse do they have, this unconventional pair-bond?
Then I arrived at work and did my best to leave these wonderings in the parking lot for greater men than myself to answer. As I walked the bricked path to the office I encountered a gaggle of geese followed by a lovely duck couple—the drake’s emerald head bobbed proudly along as his sultry dust-feathered hen walked beside. I looked at them and thought: The phenotypes are also astoundingly similar and I wonder if they adapted mammalian nursing characteristics or if the lady ducks just need those breasts to attract a mate (not that a lady duck should spend her time focused solely on finding a mate because she has the right to spend her time doing whatever she feels is best for herself). Anyway I’m just glad that my cowlick doesn’t spring up the way Howard’s head feathers do because then it would be take all the mystery out of love (but if we’re being honest with ourselves let’s admit that there is no real mystery).