I sit it in meetings. Everyone has a say and I want to state “Do what I fuckin’ tell you to do.” Perhaps I am not the group contributor that I thought. Productivity is unproductive. Committee, committee, committee.
It isn’t so much that I stop caring, but more that I learn not to expend energy on the things that aren’t important. My work is important. What I seek to accomplish is important. What doesn’t directly contribute toward this is on the wayside, and what lies on the wayside is inevitably discarded. While there is no direct impact, the passive impact cannot be ignored. Everyone’s got to earn a living.
And yet I sit there, glaze over, and I want nothing more than to sink my teeth into a creative endeavor. Some way to lose my mind, free up space and fly around. My mind is a structured one and I have only so many ways, and so much time, to let go.