john. look at me john. listen to me. you know corn? corn that grows on the farm? you know farmers that grow the corn? when farmers grow the corn they don’t dig it up john. they wait, john. are you listening to me, john? they fucking wait for the corn to grow. and then they say “damn. this is good corn.” but not a moment sooner, john! are you listening to me? i have some ideas, john. theories. but im not going to tell you what they are. in case i’m wrong. i don’t want to freak anyone out. but i’m not wrong john. i’m never wrong. im professor van helsing, john. and this is corn.
Alright so the Jewish people are free to leave Babylon after a bit more enslavement and the Babylonian kings want them back on the worshipping the Lord train. But as is the way, there are interruptions to rebuilding Jerusalem, and some light banishment of the wives and children who are not of the pure Jewish blood (yikes).
These shorts often have a role reversal for the conclusion, but they’re so short that they lack the tension to set it up as best as possible. So when it happens, it doesn’t hit as hard.
It just dawned on me that these are all summer vacation stories. (The cover with skeletons around a campfire should’ve also been a hint.) And this story is great, even if obvious how it’s going to end.
Another monster adventure away from home, but also another underwhelming execution. I’m not sure if I’m souring on the tropes or if these stories are just getting too goofy for me to appreciate them as the horror stories I expect. The podcast commentary I’ve been listening to has noted that early Goosebumps is definitely scarier than later books. But it’s also got good pacing and the monsters and setting are intriguing so I give it points for that.
I thought the final chapter about getting revenge on the teacher-bully might redeem this one but it just falls flat. It’s a deeply uncomfortable book about body shaming and the “horror” of weight issues. And it’s frustrating when the protagonists consistently fail to solve the problem that they already dealt with this in the first book. I finally realize why sequels like this, Mummy Returns, or Monster Blood are so annoying: it’s the same protagonists but they repeat their mistakes from before. Like those aforementioned sequels, another hard pass.
Hey alright, back to classic spooks. But the scares are telegraphed way too early for them to be effective later. Or is this just a symptom of having now read close to 50 Goosebumps books and seeing the same setups and tropes? I welcome a return to regular ol’ spooky stuff and there’s sort of a twist in there, so a solid middle-of-the-road rating for this one.
Another classic monster story but it doesn’t quite land at top tier for me. I thought there would be a twist where the kids are being trained to be monster hunters or something but the twists that do occur are more annoying plot obfuscations. The characters’ actions just strain logic.
A tough one to gauge. Not as bad as many bottom tier books, and in the vein of some fantasy adventures I’ve liked such as Shrunken Head or Beast from the East. But it’s too scattered and the adventure is not as interesting. The opening chapters in third person perspective made me miss the days when some books broke away from always being in the protagonist’s head. This one just barely falls out of the upper ranks.
Holy WHOA this book goes places. The setup had me worried because it’s a lot like You Can’t Scare Me with kids planning revenge and repeatedly failing, as well as flashback filler like in Cuckoo Clock of Doom. But halfway through it gets legit scary and it’s not clear where it’s headed. The final twist is bonkers but then it leads into another final-final twist and I loved it.
Maybe I’m still in a good mood from the last book but I really liked this one too, even if the scares and twists don’t hit as hard. It has the time travel element of Terror Tower that weirdly worked and a classic vampire setting in an old castle is great. Well-paced and fun all around.
Dig the pacing, the creatures, and the overall arc to the ending. The protagonist is kind of a butt but his behavior is set up with all the bullying leading up to it.
I don’t know what got into Stine in late 1996 but I’m glad he rebounded. If I was more dedicated I would research Stine’s works in 1996 to see if he was busy elsewhere and had to just phone in the Goosebumps books from the first half of the year. This one telegraphs the finale fairly early but the protagonist’s continual skepticism keeps the reader also doubting everyone until the final bunch of twists and reveals. It’s a good build-up to a finale that has come clunky writing but fun turns.
The body horror in this is quite disturbing (in a good way). It’s a better take on what Stine tried to do in books like My Hairiest Adventure or Why I’m Afraid of Bees. But I wish it had been the core part of the book until the end, without the magical shenanigans in the final chapters as they try to change back to normal.
An amusing exploration of the multiverse concept. The terror of the protagonist’s journey never quite comes through, making it a more middle-of-the-road entry.
An attempt at meta commentary about writing stories. It builds up in an interesting way and just completely deflates with several unsatisfying fakeouts.
A tough one to place. Definitely at least a mid-tier book with lots of tension and messed up tween angst that leads to a horrifying near-death experience. I like the scary build-up, more serious than most of the goofy stuff going on in these late books. The ending kind of fizzles out but it doesn’t diminish everything before it.
Better writing than usual, but it’s just not an interesting journey until the final insane twist. This could’ve been a scarier book about the terror of an obsessive invisible person who can get away with dangerous stuff. And the scientist parents thing feels like it’s going to pay off and just… doesn’t.
If this is the last great book I read before the end then it singlehandedly makes reading the last few books a worthwhile journey. A spooky adventure in the tradition of the earliest books with some truly creepy stuff going on. The homage to “All Summer in a Day” is the cherry on top.
Hey one more trip through a third-person narrative! But I’m annoyed that they made this another Monster Blood book when it could have been a standalone. I’ll be generous because we’re at the end here and when I look at it as a story separate from the Monster Blood series then it’s decent, something to mix in with the mid-tier reads.
Apparently I watched the TV episode when doing that dummy research… but I remember nothing about it. Maybe a vague idea about the dummy trying to make a kid its wife? But holy crap, reading the book was something else. It’s possibly the best Slappy book of the four I read so far.
More begetting children and all their names before coming back around to more of David’s reign. So many chapters are just appendices to previous events.
Two Paralipomenon, say that five times fast. So now it’s on to Solomon and his riches (again), Roboam talking about how his little finger is bigger than his dad’s dick, and Jeroboam getting whipped with scorpions all the way to the fall of Jerusalem. It’s basically another look at what we saw in Kings.
A mish-mash of various ideas from earlier books. It has the vibe of Haunted Mask and stealing secrets from weird adults, the experimenting with illicit stuff from Monster Blood, animal transformations from various books, bratty younger sister who bullies the protagonist, a Slappy-like snarky villainous character. It’s too much of a remix and more slapstick than horror.
A decent creature story, but the latter half kind of sags with the protagonist spending a lot of time just trapped in a freezer and struggling to stay warm. The villain is genuinely frightening but also one-dimensional and doesn’t really explain his motivation well. And there’s not enough of the egg monsters. It’s close to a top tier book but just sputters too much along the way.
The most fun take on Jaws since the original. A real hoot and also really fucked up at times. An understanding of horror by someone who continues to bring cool ideas to movies.
Really going for it right out of the gate. I’m in. Now I need to know if I should go back and read Fear Street after reading this bunch of Goosebumps books.
A nostalgia bomb like every one of these 90s cartoons tends to be, though the tropes eventually wear thin when watching it all in one go. Monterey Jack may be what crystallized my appreciation of cheese.
This show… it doesn’t build the way Breaking Bad builds. It’s more of a roller coaster with the sense of hitting the same drop a few too many times. This season is a bookmark in place while you wait for the extra season that should have been season five.
Saul done fucked up and all of Israel pays the price. God really loves an underdog though, helping David survive and accrue power on the sidelines as he gets built up to be the good king.
This is some real Game of Thrones-ass Bible with the fallout from Saul’s death and David’s coming and going as he keeps having to fight off the Philistines and others. And I thought Kings was a 2-parter but now you’re telling me there’s ANOTHER TWO chapters of king-making?
I was sour over being made to dwell in the dark, but I understand now. The rest of it bowled me over and now I’ll gladly replay those segments with more appreciation. I can’t get enough of conspiracy board gameplay.
Like: it’s so weird and VERY Sam Raimi horror-goof. Dislike: too many moving parts and definitely hindered by MCU tie-in fluff. EEAAO is my multiverse of choice this season.
everyone making fun of my good friend jonathan’s priorities as if we didn’t spend the last 2 years following the most inconceivable ordeals with “welp, gotta go to work”
