September 2022 – Page 17

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “1 Esdras” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Alright so the Jewish people are free to leave Babylon after a bit more enslavement and the Babylonian kings want them back on the worshipping the Lord train. But as is the way, there are interruptions to rebuilding Jerusalem, and some light banishment of the wives and children who are not of the pure Jewish blood (yikes).

The Bible, Douay-Rheims, Complete – “2 Esdras” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Much ado about Jerusalem’s wall.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The House of No Return” by R.L. Stine (1994)

The first is a simple story that sets the tone. This has the feel of a Tales from the Crypt episode.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Teacher’s Pet” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Hm no, just not spooky or weird enough for me.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Strained Peas” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Another clunker. It feels like these needs more pages to up the tension a bit more.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Strangers in the Woods” by R.L. Stine (1994)

I like the build-up to the decent little twist at the end there.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Good Friends” by R.L. Stine (1994)

I appreciate what the setup attempts to do but the finale is so banal.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “How I Won My Bat” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Okay these stories are definitely going more for a Tales from the Crypt thing. This one was amusing.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Mr. Teddy” by R.L. Stine (1994)

You know the ending right away (because it’s been done in Night of the Living Dummy), but still a good little story.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Click” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Here we go, I think I’m getting into these as they lean into the comeuppance finales.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Broken Dolls” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Another creepy doll story in one book, but this one’s much better.

Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “A Vampire in the Neighborhood” by R.L. Stine (1994)

Hey I didn’t see that coming when I should’ve. It seems like the best stories were saved for the end here.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Werewolf’s First Night” by R.L. Stine (1995)

These shorts often have a role reversal for the conclusion, but they’re so short that they lack the tension to set it up as best as possible. So when it happens, it doesn’t hit as hard.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “P.S. Don’t Write Back” by R.L. Stine (1995)

A well-executed classic camp spook. I’m surprised to see two camp shorts in a row. But then these anthologies seem to be microcosms of Stine tropes.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Something Fishy” by R.L. Stine (1995)

Stine just can’t write something good with fish.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “You Gotta Believe Me!” by R.L. Stine (1995)

I don’t miss the fifties alien sci-fi stuff, too much like Monster Blood. It’s just played too goofy when Stine attempts it.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Suckers!” by R.L. Stine (1995)

A fun one with interesting weirdness and I’m a sucker for a comeuppance ending.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Dr. Horror’s House of Video” by R.L. Stine (1995)

Another comeuppance ending and a fun little bunch of scenes from the days of video stores.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Cat’s Tale” by R.L. Stine (1995)

I don’t think we’d seen cat stories before this one, at least not in the main series until Series 2000.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Shell Shocker” by R.L. Stine (1995)

It just dawned on me that these are all summer vacation stories. (The cover with skeletons around a campfire should’ve also been a hint.) And this story is great, even if obvious how it’s going to end.

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Poison Ivy” by R.L. Stine (1995)

How is Stine better at writing creepy plants than he is at writing creepy fish?

More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Spirit of the Harvest Moon” by R.L. Stine (1995)

Ooh a classic spooky story to end this anthology. The theme so far with these short story books is to wait for the last few to get good.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Chalk Closet” by R.L. Stine (1996)

A good story missing a solid final twist. As it is, it’s just waiting for the inevitable.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Home Sweet Home” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Eh didn’t work for me. Not spooky and another sense of an inevitable conclusion.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Don’t Wake Mummy” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Oh heck yeah, there’s the twist I’ve been craving.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “I’m Telling!” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Not spooky or tense but I like the ending.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Haunted House Game” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Oh wow, this is the best of these short stories so far, full stop. The ending is :chefskiss:.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Change for the Strange” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Animal transformation stories never work in Goosebumps, with the exception of Chicken, Chicken. The authors need to up the body horror factor.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Perfect School” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Decent but too much of the plot is hand waved away.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “For the Birds” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Whoof, two animal transformation stories in one book.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Aliens in the Garden” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Pure twilight zone, but not spooky or twisty enough.

Even More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Thumbprint of Doom” by R.L. Stine (1996)

A prank tale, but scare-free prank stories always feel flat.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Pumpkin Juice” by R.L. Stine (1996)

I wrote a story like this once, so I liked it. But I’m pretty sure it’s about drugs.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Attack of the Tattoo” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Hm I was on the fence between a 1 or 2 rank here. Also this is another story about drugs.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Wish” by R.L. Stine (1996)

There we GO. We got a cautionary wish tale and the terror of the mob. That’s the stuff.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “An Old Story” by R.L. Stine (1996)

So this is about child slavery in service of horny old people, but it gets played pretty spooky.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Scarecrow” by R.L. Stine (1996)

It builds in an interesting way but then just fizzles out.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Awesome Ants” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another miss. Giant bugs could be scarier than this.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Please Don’t Feed the Bears” by R.L. Stine (1996)

More uninteresting animal transformation tales.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Goblin’s Glare” by R.L. Stine (1996)

Whoa what is happening. These late stories keep fizzling out.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “Bats About Bats” by R.L. Stine (1996)

I just… am not picking up what the author is throwing down with these late stories. Just not scary or interesting.

Still More Tales to Give You Goosebumps – “The Space Suit Snatcher” by R.L. Stine (1996)

I liked the kid in this story, but that’s all the praise it gets. Another non-scary entry with a fizzled finale.

Dracula Daily – “August” by Bram Stoker & ed. Matt Kirkland (1897, 2021)

It feels like a lifetime since we heard from dear Jonathan, but Mina’s cool too.

The Beast from the East by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another monster adventure away from home, but also another underwhelming execution. I’m not sure if I’m souring on the tropes or if these stories are just getting too goofy for me to appreciate them as the horror stories I expect. The podcast commentary I’ve been listening to has noted that early Goosebumps is definitely scarier than later books. But it’s also got good pacing and the monsters and setting are intriguing so I give it points for that.

Say Cheese and Die—Again! by R.L. Stine (1996)

I thought the final chapter about getting revenge on the teacher-bully might redeem this one but it just falls flat. It’s a deeply uncomfortable book about body shaming and the “horror” of weight issues. And it’s frustrating when the protagonists consistently fail to solve the problem that they already dealt with this in the first book. I finally realize why sequels like this, Mummy Returns, or Monster Blood are so annoying: it’s the same protagonists but they repeat their mistakes from before. Like those aforementioned sequels, another hard pass.

Ghost Camp by R.L. Stine (1996)

Hey alright, back to classic spooks. But the scares are telegraphed way too early for them to be effective later. Or is this just a symptom of having now read close to 50 Goosebumps books and seeing the same setups and tropes? I welcome a return to regular ol’ spooky stuff and there’s sort of a twist in there, so a solid middle-of-the-road rating for this one.

How to Kill a Monster by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another classic monster story but it doesn’t quite land at top tier for me. I thought there would be a twist where the kids are being trained to be monster hunters or something but the twists that do occur are more annoying plot obfuscations. The characters’ actions just strain logic.

Legend of the Lost Legend by R.L. Stine (1996)

A tough one to gauge. Not as bad as many bottom tier books, and in the vein of some fantasy adventures I’ve liked such as Shrunken Head or Beast from the East. But it’s too scattered and the adventure is not as interesting. The opening chapters in third person perspective made me miss the days when some books broke away from always being in the protagonist’s head. This one just barely falls out of the upper ranks.

Attack of the Jack-O’-Lanterns by R.L. Stine (1996)

Holy WHOA this book goes places. The setup had me worried because it’s a lot like You Can’t Scare Me with kids planning revenge and repeatedly failing, as well as flashback filler like in Cuckoo Clock of Doom. But halfway through it gets legit scary and it’s not clear where it’s headed. The final twist is bonkers but then it leads into another final-final twist and I loved it.

Vampire Breath by R.L. Stine (1996)

Maybe I’m still in a good mood from the last book but I really liked this one too, even if the scares and twists don’t hit as hard. It has the time travel element of Terror Tower that weirdly worked and a classic vampire setting in an old castle is great. Well-paced and fun all around.

Calling All Creeps by R.L. Stine (1996)

Dig the pacing, the creatures, and the overall arc to the ending. The protagonist is kind of a butt but his behavior is set up with all the bullying leading up to it.

Beware, the Snowman by R.L. Stine (1997)

I don’t know what got into Stine in late 1996 but I’m glad he rebounded. If I was more dedicated I would research Stine’s works in 1996 to see if he was busy elsewhere and had to just phone in the Goosebumps books from the first half of the year. This one telegraphs the finale fairly early but the protagonist’s continual skepticism keeps the reader also doubting everyone until the final bunch of twists and reveals. It’s a good build-up to a finale that has come clunky writing but fun turns.

Chicken, Chicken by R.L. Stine (1997)

The body horror in this is quite disturbing (in a good way). It’s a better take on what Stine tried to do in books like My Hairiest Adventure or Why I’m Afraid of Bees. But I wish it had been the core part of the book until the end, without the magical shenanigans in the final chapters as they try to change back to normal.

Don’t Go to Sleep! by R.L. Stine (1997)

An amusing exploration of the multiverse concept. The terror of the protagonist’s journey never quite comes through, making it a more middle-of-the-road entry.

The Blob That Ate Everyone by R.L. Stine (1997)

An attempt at meta commentary about writing stories. It builds up in an interesting way and just completely deflates with several unsatisfying fakeouts.

The Curse of Camp Cold Lake by R.L. Stine (1997)

A tough one to place. Definitely at least a mid-tier book with lots of tension and messed up tween angst that leads to a horrifying near-death experience. I like the scary build-up, more serious than most of the goofy stuff going on in these late books. The ending kind of fizzles out but it doesn’t diminish everything before it.

My Best Friend is Invisible by R.L. Stine (1997)

Better writing than usual, but it’s just not an interesting journey until the final insane twist. This could’ve been a scarier book about the terror of an obsessive invisible person who can get away with dangerous stuff. And the scientist parents thing feels like it’s going to pay off and just… doesn’t.

Deep Trouble II by R.L. Stine (1997)

This book avoids some of the problems from other sequels, but it’s not scary and the adventure is also not interesting. Another dud here near the end.

The Haunted School by R.L. Stine (1997)

If this is the last great book I read before the end then it singlehandedly makes reading the last few books a worthwhile journey. A spooky adventure in the tradition of the earliest books with some truly creepy stuff going on. The homage to “All Summer in a Day” is the cherry on top.

Werewolf Skin by R.L. Stine (1997)

Another return to form. A classic werewolf mystery that is perhaps too heavy-handed in its foreshadowing but still fun.

I Live in Your Basement! by R.L. Stine (1997)

What in the world. This one’s barely a unified story, but I give it extra points for being so bizarre and gross.

Monster Blood IV by R.L. Stine (1997)

Hey one more trip through a third-person narrative! But I’m annoyed that they made this another Monster Blood book when it could have been a standalone. I’ll be generous because we’re at the end here and when I look at it as a story separate from the Monster Blood series then it’s decent, something to mix in with the mid-tier reads.

Cry of the Cat by R.L. Stine (1998)

I was really into it until the final chapters where it just runs out of steam. The story should’ve ended at the cat house.

Bride of the Living Dummy by R.L. Stine (1998)

Apparently I watched the TV episode when doing that dummy research… but I remember nothing about it. Maybe a vague idea about the dummy trying to make a kid its wife? But holy crap, reading the book was something else. It’s possibly the best Slappy book of the four I read so far.

“Venus En Route” by Edith Zimmerman (2022)

Sooner or later.

Goosebumps Night of Scares dev. Cosmic Forces (2015)

That goddamn clown.

Goosebumps: Escape from HorrorLand dev. Dreamworks Interactive (1996)

That period in history when movie magic was captured at 640×480 resolution.

Stray dev. BlueTwelve Studio (2022)

But they still look down on them in the sunshine.

Goosebumps: HorrorLand dev. Gusto Games (2008)

Your efforts are rewarded with doom.

Goosebumps: Attack of the Mutant dev. BlueSky Software (1997)

Reality is simply a sea of flat cardboard cutouts.