Instead of the Monkey’s Paw, you find the Clown’s Nose, which instead of granting your wish in the worst way possible will grant it in the funniest way.
Item: the Cursed Clown Nose. Obviously to use it you have to put it on and give it a honk
okay no hang on because assuming it takes half a second for each bill, this would in fact take over five days of nonstop bills