I backslid last night. I do that and sometimes for months at a time. A double bacon cheeseburger, a chicken sandwich, some egg rolls, chicken pita (with cheese, gross), breakfast burrito, and breakfast biscuit. By my count that’s enough food for six people. I almost didn’t type it out. Failures don’t occupy my conscious mind but they do pile up in some corner outside my field of view. How much before it it can’t be ignored?
Progress ground to a halt. No weight loss over three days despite restricted meals. Maybe it was that discouragement that did it. It was certainly that I was out past 10:00 PM. Not quite too late. A time of night when thoughts are loud and I don’t want to be alone with them.
I hear and see people talk about the gym as a simple part of their day. Running is popular. When I say “Oh man, I wish, I hope, someday, maybe,” they say, “It’s just, do it, one step, that’s all,” and no part of it connects. Not one word. I think though I hear them I may not be listening.
Of course, this is only one day. It happens. I will be home early tonight and for the rest of the week. I will go for long hikes this weekend as I did the last. If I can rely on anything it’s bursts of droning discipline.