It’s strange the ways memories and experiences pile up over each other, sometimes grouped into similar experiences or so overbearing that they repress the old stuff down into the depths. Some can monopolize the waking and dreaming hours with equal severity. The dreaming memories can extend to terrifying depths. I’ve dreamt of eyes and hair that tear me apart, as well as other, stranger things. The ones that bother me are usually old and dying guilts. The ones I like I keep.

This photo could remind me of much, but mostly it reminds me of a name: Danielle. It’s important that I write it because I recently discovered that the second girl I slept with—after Jackie, who I still can’t write about—is nearly lost to me. I forgot her name, her eyes, or the things she said. I do remember that I told her anything more than what we’d done was not in our best interest. Except, you know, more in line with something a clueless 18-year old might say. Or was I 19?

That’s the trick to aging, I reckon. Remembering enough of the past to put a name to a memory.

(Source: june1972)

It’s strange the ways memories and experiences pile up over each other, sometimes grouped into similar experiences or so overbearing that they repress the old stuff down into the depths. Some can monopolize the waking and dreaming hours with equal severity. The dreaming memories can extend to terrifying depths. I’ve dreamt of eyes and hair that tear me apart, as well as other, stranger things. The ones that bother me are usually old and dying guilts. The ones I like I keep.

This photo could remind me of much, but mostly it reminds me of a name: Danielle. It’s important that I write it because I recently discovered that the second girl I slept with—after Jackie, who I still can’t write about—is nearly lost to me. I forgot her name, her eyes, or the things she said. I do remember that I told her anything more than what we’d done was not in our best interest. Except, you know, more in line with something a clueless 18-year old might say. Or was I 19?

That’s the trick to aging, I reckon. Remembering enough of the past to put a name to a memory.

(Source: june1972)

tumblr_lverzd7VAT1qafsv7o1_400

lookhigh:

Part of the pod

I don’t deny that all I do is pick up my roots and tread onward. It saddens me, sometimes, when I want to stay put and choose not to. It is an overestimation of my effect on people. A shedding of their effect on me.

It matters where I tread toward, of course. And who I tread with. These others whose roots are also capable of survival outside the soil are unknown to me. The most I get are fellow walkers in the night.

Everyone returns home.

My distances are getting better. A 13:47 mile. I’ve not heard of anyone who has walked around the world. There’s the problem of these gaps between continents, you understand. There are solutions to every worldly problem except death.

Urges of the past year:

Russia (Teased and unfulfilled. This trip has become a matter of principle.)

Iceland (I feel an affinity toward the Scandinavians and their myths.)

Argentina (Las pampas, el hielo, y Pilar.)

The long walk (Initially south-to-north, now west-to-east.)

Mexico (To see a grandfather now dead.)

New Zealand (A long drive around an island. Quite simple.)

Canada (Winter with the experts.)

(Source: thechibbsjermaine)

tumblr_lverzd7VAT1qafsv7o1_400

lookhigh:

Part of the pod

I don’t deny that all I do is pick up my roots and tread onward. It saddens me, sometimes, when I want to stay put and choose not to. It is an overestimation of my effect on people. A shedding of their effect on me.

It matters where I tread toward, of course. And who I tread with. These others whose roots are also capable of survival outside the soil are unknown to me. The most I get are fellow walkers in the night.

Everyone returns home.

My distances are getting better. A 13:47 mile. I’ve not heard of anyone who has walked around the world. There’s the problem of these gaps between continents, you understand. There are solutions to every worldly problem except death.

Urges of the past year:

Russia (Teased and unfulfilled. This trip has become a matter of principle.)

Iceland (I feel an affinity toward the Scandinavians and their myths.)

Argentina (Las pampas, el hielo, y Pilar.)

The long walk (Initially south-to-north, now west-to-east.)

Mexico (To see a grandfather now dead.)

New Zealand (A long drive around an island. Quite simple.)

Canada (Winter with the experts.)

(Source: thechibbsjermaine)

The first thing

The first thing about this girl is her nails. They are coated in glitter. It’s the gold kind. Next, her red hair. Simple braidwork, loose travel strands. Then her face. She’s pretty and about sixteen years old. She’s the slightest presence in the world seated next to me. Her knees are like twigs.

She commences to do phone things and I turn to a book. It’s to do with a young woman coming into her own as a passionate, desirous person. She’s desired by various members of my gender, as is the way of things. Her thoughts interest me more than her actions.

Some hours in I’ve placed my book in the seat pocket. My shoulder aches. I’m well aware of the activities of those around me even as I feign interest in the flashing red light outside the window. The kid in front of me is flying a F-18 beneath his reading light. His dark-haired mother is asleep. Behind me I can hear the muffled laugh track of the sitcom playing on the overhead televisions. The girl next to me has been doodling on her left arm. She lifts it toward the seat ahead of her with her fist clenched.

-Do you do tattoos?

She laugh-sighs and retracts it to the safety of her lap.

-Oh, no. I’m just bored.

-And you’ve run out of space.

-Yea, I guess so.

-It’s good work.

-Oh, thank you.

-Can I ask you a favor?

She hesitates as anyone with sense should.

-Um, okay.

-Would you draw something for me?

-Oh, well I don’t have anything to draw on.

There’s a barf bag peeking out from the seat pocket. It isn’t what I had in mind.

-Well.

I lift my right sleeve to show her my wrist.

-What do you think? Nothing fancy.

She smiles and nods.

-Are you sure? I’m not an artist or anything.

-Sure am.

-Okay then.

-Cool.

She lifts her pen over the tendons and pauses.

-What kind of drawing?

-Anything. Whatever looks good to you. Like yours.

She presses the ballpoint to my skin and proceeds.

We discuss destinations, things we do as she works on my arm. She plays water polo. She started four weeks ago and still finds it difficult to stay afloat with the strength of her legs. I used to swim until the autumnal downpours. My shoulder really bothered me when I was in the water for too long.

I watch her glittery fingers work across my skin. The designs are reminiscient of Japanese whirlpools.

-Do you only draw on arms?

-Sometimes on my notes.

-You should try a blank canvas. This is good work.

-Maybe.

-At least now I know what I’ll look like when I get drunk and wake up with a tattoo on my wrist.

And she laughs.

When she finishes she removes the phone from her bag and photographs the elaborate piece on her arm. She turns to me.

-May I?

I lift my right wrist into the light. She captures a portion from my lower palm to the first quarter of my forearm. The ink has begun to lose its shimmer. She may have drawn an ornate octopus.

I look at my wrist in the light.

-This is awesome. Thank you.

-Your welcome.

She returns the phone to her bag. I lay the back of my closed hand on my book and stretch my neck toward the ceiling.

I glance at my wrist when we’re off the plane and she’s gone. I listen to the clipping feet and conversations. I think of her in a busy parlor with a tattoo needle in hand. I start to feel fatherly of her. She’s going to go through things and I want her to make it to the other side.

The first thing

The first thing about this girl is her nails. They are coated in glitter. It’s the gold kind. Next, her red hair. Simple braidwork, loose travel strands. Then her face. She’s pretty and about sixteen years old. She’s the slightest presence in the world seated next to me. Her knees are like twigs.

She commences to do phone things and I turn to a book. It’s to do with a young woman coming into her own as a passionate, desirous person. She’s desired by various members of my gender, as is the way of things. Her thoughts interest me more than her actions.

Some hours in I’ve placed my book in the seat pocket. My shoulder aches. I’m well aware of the activities of those around me even as I feign interest in the flashing red light outside the window. The kid in front of me is flying a F-18 beneath his reading light. His dark-haired mother is asleep. Behind me I can hear the muffled laugh track of the sitcom playing on the overhead televisions. The girl next to me has been doodling on her left arm. She lifts it toward the seat ahead of her with her fist clenched.

-Do you do tattoos?

She laugh-sighs and retracts it to the safety of her lap.

-Oh, no. I’m just bored.

-And you’ve run out of space.

-Yea, I guess so.

-It’s good work.

-Oh, thank you.

-Can I ask you a favor?

She hesitates as anyone with sense should.

-Um, okay.

-Would you draw something for me?

-Oh, well I don’t have anything to draw on.

There’s a barf bag peeking out from the seat pocket. It isn’t what I had in mind.

-Well.

I lift my right sleeve to show her my wrist.

-What do you think? Nothing fancy.

She smiles and nods.

-Are you sure? I’m not an artist or anything.

-Sure am.

-Okay then.

-Cool.

She lifts her pen over the tendons and pauses.

-What kind of drawing?

-Anything. Whatever looks good to you. Like yours.

She presses the ballpoint to my skin and proceeds.

We discuss destinations, things we do as she works on my arm. She plays water polo. She started four weeks ago and still finds it difficult to stay afloat with the strength of her legs. I used to swim until the autumnal downpours. My shoulder really bothered me when I was in the water for too long.

I watch her glittery fingers work across my skin. The designs are reminiscient of Japanese whirlpools.

-Do you only draw on arms?

-Sometimes on my notes.

-You should try a blank canvas. This is good work.

-Maybe.

-At least now I know what I’ll look like when I get drunk and wake up with a tattoo on my wrist.

And she laughs.

When she finishes she removes the phone from her bag and photographs the elaborate piece on her arm. She turns to me.

-May I?

I lift my right wrist into the light. She captures a portion from my lower palm to the first quarter of my forearm. The ink has begun to lose its shimmer. She may have drawn an ornate octopus.

I look at my wrist in the light.

-This is awesome. Thank you.

-Your welcome.

She returns the phone to her bag. I lay the back of my closed hand on my book and stretch my neck toward the ceiling.

I glance at my wrist when we’re off the plane and she’s gone. I listen to the clipping feet and conversations. I think of her in a busy parlor with a tattoo needle in hand. I start to feel fatherly of her. She’s going to go through things and I want her to make it to the other side.

Wanted.

Travel companion.

Must be capable of walking from the Pacific to the Atlantic in 2012, bathing in car washes, and like dogs.

Duties include being mellow, enjoying scenery, not complaining too much, putting up with optimistic assessment of bleak conditions and too much sunshine, sleeping outside, occassionally making nice with random locals, occasionally agreeing with paranoia regarding random locals, limiting contact with the reality back home, enjoying the reality of every step forward, trusting, making killer coffee.

Wanted.

Travel companion.

Must be capable of walking from the Pacific to the Atlantic in 2012, bathing in car washes, and like dogs.

Duties include being mellow, enjoying scenery, not complaining too much, putting up with optimistic assessment of bleak conditions and too much sunshine, sleeping outside, occassionally making nice with random locals, occasionally agreeing with paranoia regarding random locals, limiting contact with the reality back home, enjoying the reality of every step forward, trusting, making killer coffee.

Greece

I go to the best places. Not this place. But a place like it.

You should know I go to the best places with no warning. I keep a packed bag in the closet by the door. I keep some CLIF bars in the top pouch.

It’s a hiking backpack.

I do that, too. The hiking is not always the best. Sometimes there are too many people and a trail as wide as four men laid end to end. Tall dudes.

Those trails are, quite literally, balls.

The best places are the best because they’ve got people in them, of some sort. But good people.

Like you.

(But not you.)

((Maybe you—do you own a flask?))

I think the real question is: “Is this place real? Could I have sex with someone right here and not give a damn?”

There’s some nice shade. A nice view.

So, yes.

Greece

I go to the best places. Not this place. But a place like it.

You should know I go to the best places with no warning. I keep a packed bag in the closet by the door. I keep some CLIF bars in the top pouch.

It’s a hiking backpack.

I do that, too. The hiking is not always the best. Sometimes there are too many people and a trail as wide as four men laid end to end. Tall dudes.

Those trails are, quite literally, balls.

The best places are the best because they’ve got people in them, of some sort. But good people.

Like you.

(But not you.)

((Maybe you—do you own a flask?))

I think the real question is: “Is this place real? Could I have sex with someone right here and not give a damn?”

There’s some nice shade. A nice view.

So, yes.