Month: May 2011

choking

I catch myself nearly choking sometimes, as I sleep. This is recent and worse than the snoring which I only know of from third person accounts. I don’t know what’s happened. Perhaps I never learned to breathe properly. Or there’s a deviated this/that. I tire of the unhelpful bullshit from general practitioners. You’re fine, they say. Tell that to the people who have to listen to it. One girl tried to shut it by pouring scotch down my gullet for god’s sakes. Does that sound ‘fine’ to you, doc? Bury me in thunder because I might snore my way to the grave.

And now I’m wary of Bri, who might try to stab me. I ask that you please refrain from the vital organs until I can take the sharp instrument out of your hands. Blood doesn’t bother me, so if you feel the need I’ve got plenty of fleshy parts. You’ll know where.

Do you know about bears? Holy shit, the labels. It’s just a whole slew of labels and defined existences. Hoping to belong to something I suppose. Build tribes. Anyway, I’ve been called this a few times. Again this weekend. It happens when you spend all your life in major metropolitan areas, are thick/fat, and have a beard. It never even got me free drinks. Sorry, fellas. I have a good thing going with vaginas. And real breasts.

I am happy to see the rapture nonsense (from all sides) is over. Move along and die at your leisure.

choking

I catch myself nearly choking sometimes, as I sleep. This is recent and worse than the snoring which I only know of from third person accounts. I don’t know what’s happened. Perhaps I never learned to breathe properly. Or there’s a deviated this/that. I tire of the unhelpful bullshit from general practitioners. You’re fine, they say. Tell that to the people who have to listen to it. One girl tried to shut it by pouring scotch down my gullet for god’s sakes. Does that sound ‘fine’ to you, doc? Bury me in thunder because I might snore my way to the grave.

And now I’m wary of Bri, who might try to stab me. I ask that you please refrain from the vital organs until I can take the sharp instrument out of your hands. Blood doesn’t bother me, so if you feel the need I’ve got plenty of fleshy parts. You’ll know where.

Do you know about bears? Holy shit, the labels. It’s just a whole slew of labels and defined existences. Hoping to belong to something I suppose. Build tribes. Anyway, I’ve been called this a few times. Again this weekend. It happens when you spend all your life in major metropolitan areas, are thick/fat, and have a beard. It never even got me free drinks. Sorry, fellas. I have a good thing going with vaginas. And real breasts.

I am happy to see the rapture nonsense (from all sides) is over. Move along and die at your leisure.

Loneliness is sleeping alone in a tent made for two.

Quotations about the world’s troubles. Awareness of the situation, inflammatory journalism, unaware of thousands of years of human history. What is happening here, what is happening now? This guy fucked up, this country fucked up, this society fucked up. Wet drizzle on canvas. Dry thighs. Inward thinking. The salvation of the world comes down to one person’s influence over many. Salvation of one’s neighbor? Yea, sure. What’s he done for us? Polite nods.

Being targeted is an unfamiliar sensation. Being hunted, less so. God help me or God help you, but someone’s got to die. Kiss you, kiss me.

Loneliness is sleeping alone in a tent made for two.

Quotations about the world’s troubles. Awareness of the situation, inflammatory journalism, unaware of thousands of years of human history. What is happening here, what is happening now? This guy fucked up, this country fucked up, this society fucked up. Wet drizzle on canvas. Dry thighs. Inward thinking. The salvation of the world comes down to one person’s influence over many. Salvation of one’s neighbor? Yea, sure. What’s he done for us? Polite nods.

Being targeted is an unfamiliar sensation. Being hunted, less so. God help me or God help you, but someone’s got to die. Kiss you, kiss me.

back rooms

I was in a bar in a casino on the California/Nevada border a few years back and this laid back middle-aged couple from one of the Dakotas told me about this place that had a back room specifically for couples who wanted to go back there and have sex. No door, even. Fucking beads. So you’d be there drinking a Bud and listening to some woman getting the good and hard business from her man. I imagined them, of course. Bottle blonde in an orange halter and a fat, bald guy sporting an earring and leather vest. I didn’t give a shit about stories or writing or any of that at the time, but it stuck for some reason.

Nowadays I can see or experience something and wander off into a story that has to be written. I know the story, I see it so goddamn clearly that I know it’s going to happen. This kind of certainty is what drives me. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that it willhappen. I dive in to find out just how characters get from one point to another.

So this is a reminder: write that story about the back room and include a stirrup ride.

back rooms

I was in a bar in a casino on the California/Nevada border a few years back and this laid back middle-aged couple from one of the Dakotas told me about this place that had a back room specifically for couples who wanted to go back there and have sex. No door, even. Fucking beads. So you’d be there drinking a Bud and listening to some woman getting the good and hard business from her man. I imagined them, of course. Bottle blonde in an orange halter and a fat, bald guy sporting an earring and leather vest. I didn’t give a shit about stories or writing or any of that at the time, but it stuck for some reason.

Nowadays I can see or experience something and wander off into a story that has to be written. I know the story, I see it so goddamn clearly that I know it’s going to happen. This kind of certainty is what drives me. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that it willhappen. I dive in to find out just how characters get from one point to another.

So this is a reminder: write that story about the back room and include a stirrup ride.

be eaten

The bluntness of the mind is overpowering. Every thought becomes forceful—binary. To rise or fall, to fuck or sleep, to give or take, to live or die. They try to tell me it’s a fault and I don’t see it. I gain or I don’t, this is life.

You will follow me and I will lead to places outside of this comfortable existence. Feeling or numbness.

The gray area is always there, of course. The great gaping maw of the gray area. Are you lost? Do you scramble? So do I. There are valleys between the peaks. Climb up or climb down. I never did fit into the flatlands. I don’t trust the places that go on forever. The universe doesn’t go on forever.

Eat or be eaten. This is life. Take a taste, on me.

be eaten

The bluntness of the mind is overpowering. Every thought becomes forceful—binary. To rise or fall, to fuck or sleep, to give or take, to live or die. They try to tell me it’s a fault and I don’t see it. I gain or I don’t, this is life.

You will follow me and I will lead to places outside of this comfortable existence. Feeling or numbness.

The gray area is always there, of course. The great gaping maw of the gray area. Are you lost? Do you scramble? So do I. There are valleys between the peaks. Climb up or climb down. I never did fit into the flatlands. I don’t trust the places that go on forever. The universe doesn’t go on forever.

Eat or be eaten. This is life. Take a taste, on me.

In Alaska

In Alaska in the winter, it is possible to wake up hours before dawn, groan, roll over and half-sleep, and then make the hours until morning pass, except there is no morning to ruin everything, and the hours until dawn stretch on and on into the spring. I will dream of it until sunlight.

In Alaska

In Alaska in the winter, it is possible to wake up hours before dawn, groan, roll over and half-sleep, and then make the hours until morning pass, except there is no morning to ruin everything, and the hours until dawn stretch on and on into the spring. I will dream of it until sunlight.