Month: October 2023

swan2swan:

abyssalcorvid:

injuries-in-dust:

Fun Fact, thats, more or less, something that wealthy people in China and Japan did, they were called “musical floorboards.” Designed to squeak when stood upon. A person could make noise all the way down a corridor.

The residents and servants knew which floorboards made a sound and avoided them. But a burglar, or assassin didn’t. If you heard the creaking of floorboards, you knew danger was coming.

Even better, despite what movies may show, a lot of the old west was founded by Chinese immigrants, so there could have been carpenters around who knew how to make the musical floorboards!

They were also called Nightingale Floors, and looking up to make sure I had the right term, I found they were super clever! They were more than just ill-fit boards or whatever makes floors creak normally, they actually used little metal bars under the boards placed into small holes in the boards to cause the creak.

The best things on the internet are when someone makes a joke and then Miss Frizzle rolls up for an educational adventure.

New Horror 2023 – Day 1

“The beautiful face kept her secret and told me nothing.”

“Snatched from the Brink” by Mary E. Penn (1878)

I select a lot of stories without fully understanding the plot since I don’t want to spoil, so sometimes it’s a dice roll as to how much spookiness is contained in a given story. But this one delivers after it winds its way through a tale of marital impropriety and the ~horror~ of an unmarried woman’s dishonor.

💀💀💀

“No one knew what the sorcerer wanted with so many beautiful young girls…”

“Birds of a Feather” by Stephanie Phillips, Maan House, Giorgio Spalleta, Justin Birch, Chris Sanchez (2021)

A Bluebeard story somehow always finds itself into my horror list each year, but they’re usually taking the original and flipping it on its head. This one’s short and sweet and probably could have told the tale without the direct references, but with so few pages it’s perhaps best to make things explicit.

💀💀💀

“It needs to tenderize the soul by attacking your sanity.”

It Lives Inside dir. Bishal Dutta (2023)

I liked this a lot, despite a lot of reviews about how mediocre it is. While it does a lot by the numbers, the point here is to give it a cultural spin based on Hindu tales of terror, and that’s what makes it special. And I’m always a sucker for high schoolers not being believed by adults and having to take things into their own hands. (In fiction, not in real life where adults should be less shitty about supporting teens.)

New Fiction 2023 – September

“Baruch” ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

A short interlude before another juggernaut of a chapter.

Creature Teacher by R.L. Stine (1998)

They really hold out on the monsters here in Series 2000, so this is a welcome entry.

Invasion of the Body Squeezers – Part 1 by R.L. Stine (1998)

An unnecessarily long red herring.

Invasion of the Body Squeezers – Part 2 by R.L. Stine (1998)

That’s some way to prevent an extinction event.

I’m Your Evil Twin! by R.L. Stine (1998)

They always do the ol’ switcharoo.

Revenge R Us by R.L. Stine (1998)

The Uncut Gems of Goosebumps.

Fright Camp by R.L. Stine (1998)

Fool me several dozen times, shame on us all.

Headless Halloween by R.L. Stine (1998)

Here we GOOOOO. A+ Goosebumps.

Attack of the Graveyard Ghouls by R.L. Stine (1998)

A bit weirder but still more welcome than kids being dicks and no actual spooky happenings.

Brain Juice by R.L. Stine (1998)

Just bizarre. Leaning a little too far into the weird science angle I’ve no interest for in these books.

The Deadly Experiments of Dr. Eeek by R.L. Stine (1996)

Nope. These gamebooks aren’t good for reading one after another, and the ones that more or less stay in place are especially meh.

Night in Werewolf Woods by R.L. Stine (1996)

Another meh entry in spite of the werewolves running around.

Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter by R.L. Stine (1996)

More weird science and generally not scary stuff, less and less interesting.

“Hotline Miami” by KC Green (2023)

The speedrun.

“I was told by my doctor that this’ll completely compensate my human meat diet” by scribblingchimp (2023)

Gotta find an alternate.

“Carl’s Date” dir. Bob Peterson (2023)

Good to see the gang again.

The Equalizer 3 dir. Antoine Fuqua (2023)

Didn’t need to do all that.

Bottoms dir. Emma Seligman (2023)

The kids are alright.

Elemental dir. Peter Sohn (2023)

A personal story.

They Live dir. John Carpenter (1988)

That’s a long fight.

Jawan dir. Atlee (2023)

The Robin Hood we need.

Christine dir. John Carpenter (1983)

Somehow, a car is scary.

The LEGO Movie dir. Phil Lord & Christopher Miller (2014)

Too familiar, but perhaps because it kicked off something we’ve seen a lot of since then.

Outlaw Johnny Black dir. Michael Jai White (2023)

A fun and shooty romp.

Satanic Hispanics dir. Alejandro Brugués , Mike Mendez, Gigi Saul Guerrero, Eduardo Sánchez, Demián Rugna (2023)

The anthology offers much.

Prey dir. Dan Trachtenberg (2022)

Hell yes. If they made Predator movies that are just “a Predator fights someone at this point in history” I’d be all in.

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight dir. Ernest Dickerson (1995)

Definitely a feature-length version of an episode, but they pull it off.

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood dir. Gilbert Adler (1996)

Or do they? But this is still better than…

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Ritual dir. Avi Nesher (2002)

A very boring movie like this.

Vault of Horror dir. Freddie Francis (1973)

Ooh that second story is tops.

Tales from the Crypt dir. Freddie Francis (1972)

This first movie was just a tad too straight-faced. Where’s the camp?!

The Origin of Evil dir. Sébastien Marnier (2023)

A-n-x-i-e-t-y.

The Expendables 4 dir. Scott Waugh (2023)

I know they can’t all come back every time, but the concept seems to be slipping away from them.

The Creator dir. Gareth Edwards (2023)

Hm. Striving toward something I might’ve liked but somehow doesn’t land.

Tales from the Crypt – Season 7 (1996)

I’ve been annoyed with many people writing off season 7 as not worth watching. It’s fine! There’s even a few episodes really worth watching.

Tales from the Cryptkeeper – Season 1 (1993)

Basically Goosebumps, so John Kassir recording wraparounds is what makes it special.

Star Trek Discovery – Season 2 (2023)

I like it, but 10 episodes is not enough. Bouncing from fun to deadly serious episodes too often makes it feel disjointed.

adorkastock:

professionalchaoticdumbass:

flightyquinn:

theconcealedweapon:

Some other bangers;

  • “Jack of all trades, master of none” … “but ofttimes better than a master of one.”
  • “Blood is thicker than water.” “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb.”
  • “Money is the root of all evil.” “The love of money is the root of all evil.”

there’s also “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” which conservatives are oh so fond of saying

bootstraps are, well, straps on your boots. you cannot physically pull yourself up by them, and that’s what the original phrase meant. “pulling oneself up by the bootstraps” is meant to be an impossible task

“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness.”

The second part really matters.